fix you (13rw)

Chapter 30

Zach

Today was going to be a huge day that would determine the direction of my life. I decided that I would come out to my mom, I knew it was the right time. The longer I lie to her and not tell her the truth, the bigger the consequences would be. Alex told me to never come out for anyone else but yourself. It was something that you owe yourself and yourself alone. I wanted to come out for myself, for my peace of mind and for my heart to finally be able to fly without worrying other people's judgement. Lying and deceiving the people around me was no longer an option. I had to do this.

I knew Alex was avoiding me like a plague. On the first days after our break up, he was acting normal around me and then the next day he didnt show up on our lunch table and then today I didnt see him at all at school which was weird since we have the same circle of friends.

Alex's avoidance was pretty painful. I could feel my heart ache every minute I feel like he was walking away from me, breaking his promise that he would still be here even after our break up. I was hurting, thinking about how I would come out to my mom and all of the what if's scenario. If only Alex was here beside me then maybe things would be a little bit better. The weight I was carrying on my shoulders would weigh like feathers if he was here, not as my boyfriend, but as my friend. He wasnt here and all I could do right now was to suck it up.

How the tables have turned. When Alex kissed me on that rooftop, I was the one who evaded his existence. Now, I was ready to pay the price, ready for Alex to return the favor which was him avoiding me.

Usually, I wait in the car to see if Alex was safe before entering Tony's car, watching him from the shadows even after our break up. Tony had been giving him a ride since his dad told me to stay away from Alex. But today, I decided to go home early. I smiled weakly at Tony who saw me walking on the parking lot, on my way to my car. We didn't talk but Tony knew about Alex and I's relationship and as if I had telephatic power, I was hoping and praying for Tony to take care of Alex for the mean time.

The ride home was slow but it wasnt steady. My mind couldnt stop thinking about these scenarios where my mom would disown me if I come out to her. Was I ready for that? If my mom kicked me out and stopped giving me financial support, would I be able to provide my needs? My allowance? College tuition? I should stop thinking about it but I couldnt help but overthink.

Alex told me he would be here, waiting for me. And that alone was an enough reason to go on this solo mission, even if the chance of my survival was pretty slim. If this doesnt go as planned and if worst came to worst, atleast I would still have Alex.

I went directly in to my room. Took off my dirty clothes and entered the shower. I let the warm water slid through my body. I needed this. The calm before the storm. I was still hopeful that maybe, the storm was nothing but just a mist of rain.

I changed to a more comfortable clothes, clothes that screamed me and not someone else. My train of thoughts didnt want to stop, the warm bath helped but only for a short amount of time. What I needed was something that would calm me for long term purposes and it was honesty. Honesty to myself and to my mom.

Someone knocked on my door. At first I thought it was my mom and I found myself panicking but when the door opened, I was greeted by my little sister. Seeing her brought some peace into my mind. If mom couldnt accept me thrn atleast my sister would still be here supporting me.

"You're home early." May stated the obvious, I got used to her being sarcastic and snarky that hearing her talk to me with a kind tone made me question my sanity. "Are you okay?"

I took a deep breath. Exhaled all of my worries, passing it on to the world. Could someone please carry this baggage for me?

"I'm telling mom." I announced. That felt good.