The Complicated Life of a Young New Yorker

Quality Time with Miles

It was 2:00pm in the afternoon on Saturday; just 36 hours I got back from Italy and after I finally called out Mariah once and for all. My phone was going off every 5 seconds of the links that someone got of me calling her out and the response that I got from others were actually good; the public eye was proud of standing my ground and not taking any more crap from someone who is just jealous because of what I have in my life and being who I am. I'm currently in my family's penthouse apartment laying in my bed in my room feeling so much sadness and frustration, only because Miles and I got into an argument last night about I'm spending so much time with work that I never have time for him and I to spend time together. Honestly, maybe I have been working so much; because I feel I have to fit the "standard" of your typical Editor of a high fashion magazine becoming a workaholic and not spending time with any friends, my partner and even family; I've been feeling a whole ton of emotions; sad and miserable to be honest.. My anxiety has been going off the charts since we got back, I had a sudden panic attack and then I just wanted to talk to him about it but that was when we got into the argument and he slept on the couch in the family room.

I curled up into my bed at my family's apartment and began to lay on the right side of the bed looking out the city and began to start to consider that I should talk to Miles about how I'm currently feeling. He knew I was upset about something but I didn't want to admit it to him because we were in a fight, my phone buzzes and it's a text from him: "Babe, I'm so sorry about the argument we had, I know you've been feeling a whole lot of pressure to get a shit ton of stuff done at work, I just want you to spend time with me and make an effort that's not just seeing me back at the apartment at like 8:00 at night. How are you? I know you seemed upset before our argument happened?" I reply back to him saying: "I'm not upset, I'm fine." He replies back saying: You're fuckin lying for no reason. When you're upset don't lie to me you can talk to me about it. No matter what it is even it's about me. Especially if it's about me, I'm here for you and my goal is to make you happy and keep you there. Even if someone else gets you down it's my job to bring you back up, let me." he says, not even 5 minutes later he knocks on our bedroom door asking me if I'm okay.

I get out of the bed with only wearing my Louis Vuitton silk pyjama set and my face looking like I crawled out of the sewer because I was crying so much, I then opened the door and see Miles's face gasps and expresses his concern. "Mason, please talk to me. I know you are lying to me right now that you are fine, you can't even look into my eyes properly when you are lying so I know something is wrong. Whatever it is, just talk to me. I'm your person and your boyfriend, just please open up and let me help you with whatever you need from me babe." says Miles, I then start hysterically crying and sat on the bedroom floor curled myself up, he runs up to me and sits down and starts holding me, trying to calm me down by rubbing my back and kissing me a lot on top of my head. He lifts up my head and starts to wipe the tears off my face and asks me what's wrong, "I'm stressed, I'm tired, I'm frustrated and I'm not sure on how to feel better right now. I had a panic attack yesterday all of a sudden and then I look in the mirror and I just feel like I'm nothing.. I just feel like I don't know who to talk to anymore about how I'm feeling if I'm scared on what you would feel and think, Miles I honestly do not know what to do anymore. I guess you can say I'm so paranoid that Mariah will come back and try to destroy me, I'm paranoid that I'll make a wrong decision at work, not being able to do my job right now when we are currently needing a special photoshoot for the featured designers for the December issue even though we are almost in November is tearing me up inside and I'm just scared one move I make or one word I say will hurt you and I would lose you cause I've been getting used to people getting in and out of my life because they don't want to talk to me anymore for whatever fucked up reason they can pull out of their asshole. The gossip articles are tearing me apart reading that you are talking to Mariah again which I know that is not true because you would never do that." I say to him.