Spider-Man One Shots

Criminal PPPS

Summary: A few criminals notice Spidey's uncharacteristic lack of sass and instantly know something's wrong. They can't have it, so they team up to make him feel better.

TW: armed robberies, threats and those kinds of stuff. And sad Spidey.

Inspired by the book "Peter Parker Oneshots" by @Peterparkeristonyson (chapter "What's Wrong, Spidey?")

▪▪▪▪▪

"I'm telling you, Spider-Man made no sassy remarks today," one of the people sitting at a table said.

"He didn't say anything at all to me," another one said.

"The same happened to me."

"Me too."

"Yeah, it was almost uncomfortable."

The street thugs sat in silence for some seconds.

"If Spidey's sad, we need to do something about it," one of them decided. "It's just not the same otherwise. His comments and his devotion are what makes it fun. We really need to do something."

With that, the men all picked up their stuff and headed outside to steal. This time, however, their goal was different than usual.

•××ו

"Give me all your money!"

"Not today, Hunter," Spider-Man said tiredly, webbing the man to the wall and allowing the victim to run away.

He turned to leave, but Hunter interrupted.

"Is everything alright, Spidey?"

Without looking backwards, instead at the floor, he replied curtly. "Yes."

•××ו

"If you scream, I'll shoot," the criminal threatened a woman.

"Nope, Riker," Spider-Man said from behind him, promptly webbing up the gun he held and then him.

Once again, the victim escaped, but Peter didn't manage to leave before being questioned once again.

"What happened? Are you okay?"

"Nothing, I'm fine."

•××ו

"Hand over your bag," the next criminal told a man passing by.

"Yeah, Wally, not happening."

Wally didn't even care about the man he had been trying to steal, immediately shifting his attention to the red-clad superhero.

"Why are you sad?"

"I- I'm not sad," Spidey said, though his voice betrayed his words. He sounded downhearted.

"You don't have to lie, we understand."

Spidey looked down. "I know."

•××ו

"Shut up," a man said randomly and showed a knife to a person speaking over the phone in the streets.

"No can do, Axel."

"Spidey!" Axel exclaimed, faking surprise.

"Yeah, you can stop acting." Spider-Man webbed up the man as he started to speak once again.

"If you need a break, I'll take care of calling off some criminals. The right people owe me the right favors."

The suit's eyes from the spiderling closed as he relaxed ever so slightly.

"I can't ask you that, but thank you anyway."

•××ו

"You will come with me silently," the next criminal told a teen, who began shrugging in indifference but was also interrupted by the arrival of the spider-themed superhero.

"Bernard, we've been over this already."

"But Spidey!" Bernard whined childishly, as if he wasn't speaking about kidnapping someone.

"Nope, not in my watch."

"Alright," the man agreed, though still reluctantly.

The teen stayed there, leaning against the wall like she was waiting patiently for the kidnapping to continue.

Bernard and Spider-Man both had to stare at her until she sighed and left, and only then did Bernard start his own motivational speech.

"It's fine to take a break when you need it. People will understand if you do. They have to."

"I can't do that to New York, Bernard, and you know that..." He hesitated for a few seconds. "But thank you."

•××ו

"Transfer fifty thousand dollars to this account right now or-"

"Owen Owens, leave that man alone."

"But my fifty thousand dollars!" the criminal pouted.

"Owen Owens. No."

"But-" Spidey put a hand on his hip. "Okay."

Owen Owens was no exception to the motivational thingy they had all going on, Spider-Man noticed as he opened his mouth once again. "Just wanted to tell you that I'll be off the streets for some time. I don't currently need anything. You won't have to worry about me stealing. You have my word."

"I appreciate that," Spidey said softly.

•××ו

The criminal didn't even get to open his mouth this time.

"Ravan, stop."

"Aw."

"Yeah, aw," Spider-Man mocked.

"So, how come you were here even before I did anything?" Ravan asked with a small smirk.

"For starters, you all aren't being precisely subtle. And oh where would I find the only member left of the gang that has been trying to reach me all night? Could it be in Manhattan? Maybe Paris? My house? Definitely not the exact same place as always, that's for sure."

Ravan smiled genuinely.

Mission accomplished.