Die A Little

CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE

The following morning, I was awoken by the dipping of the mattress from beside me. I opened my eyes, immediately seeing the silhouette of Brian in the morning sunlight from across the room. He was getting himself dressed as I moved to sit up and wiped the sleep from my eyes.

"Where are you going?" I asked him, hearing him sigh heavily.

"Last night was a mistake." Brian answered quickly. "I should never have sent you that text."

"Text?" I confused. "You were the one who sent that?"

"Details." He dismissed with the wave of his hand before buttoning his jeans.

My eyes traced down his body, different emotions filling my head. I didn't know how to feel in the moment. Did I hate him? Love him? I wasn't sure anymore.

"Why did you send it?" I questioned.

"Does it really matter why, Sal?"

"Yes." I replied. Brian took a seat at the end of the bed, keeping his back to me.

"I guess...I was confused." He explained as best as he could. "I didn't know what was going on between us and I wanted to find out."

He raked his fingers through his hair before scratching at the scruffy morning stubble that covered his jaw. "When I saw you with him, it...messed with my head."

"I told you," I was getting annoyed that I had to keep explaining myself to him. "Asher kissed me. I was trying to push him off."

"Can you really blame me for thinking otherwise, Sal?" Brian challenged. He turned back and I could see in his tired eyes that he was just as fed up of this feuding between us as I was. "After all that you've done?"

"I guess not..." I shrugged cluelessly.

A heavy silence came between us; one that neither of us knew how to overcome. I shifted in my place on the bed; the softness of the comforter brushing against my skin. I moved to behind him and settled my chin at his shoulder. Kissing gently at his rough skin, I looked up to find Brian watching me. His eyes that held so much hate towards me the night before were now just as fragile as his heart.

Turning in his place, Brian let his hands touch down my arms before leaning in and bringing his lips to grace mine. He kissed me with such sincerity and desperation, urging for the spark between us to reignite once again...

...but the flame had burnt out a long time ago.

"I'm sorry, Sal." Brian apologised.

He stood up and pulled his jacket over his shoulders. I knew that he was getting ready to leave me, but I couldn't let him go. Reaching for his arm, I tugged Brian back to the bed, all the while feeling his resistance to my gesture. "Sal, stop."

"Brian, please!" I begged. "We can't just...just let this fall apart! We have to fix this!"

"There's nothing left to fix, Sal." He admitted brokenly.

"Can't we talk about this properly?" I asked as a last resort.

Brian took a moment to think over his response. His gaze lowered from my face down to my hands that were clinging hopelessly onto the sleeve of his jacket. "Please?"

"Come over to my place this afternoon." He instructed. "Maybe I will be in the right headspace to talk by then."

"I'll be there." I reassured, releasing my hold on him and watching Brian leave through the bedroom door.

A glimmer of hope had pushed through the rainclouds that hovered over our heads. This was truly my last chance to fix everything between us, whether it killed me or not.

**

Later that day, I parked up outside of the apartment complex that I had once called home. Cutting the engine, I composed myself before climbing from the vehicle. I walked up to Brian's front door, rapping my fist twice against the surface of the door.

Taking a step back, I waited in silence, soon hearing the sound of shuffling come from inside of the apartment. Releasing a pent-up breath that I didn't realise I was holding in; I was ready to be an adult about the situation that Brian and I had found ourselves in.

"Hey," Brian greeted once the door was open. He took a step back and gestured with his hand. "Come in."

I followed his words and stepped through the entryway, feeling somewhat reminiscent at how I used to call this place home. Not a detail had changed from the last time that I had been there; pictures of Brian and I still hung from the walls and he still had everything that I never came back to collect after I had moved out.

We sat down in the living area. "How have you been holding up?"

"Not the best." I answered honestly. "Brian, I want you to know that before we dive into this deep conversation that my intention was to never hurt you. I have always loved you and still do. You have made me who I am today and I am thankful for all that you have done for me."

I exhaled a shaken breath. "No matter what comes from today, know that I will always love you."

"I wish it was so easy for me to say the same to you, Sal," Brian expressed regretfully. "But I can't guarantee that I can ever get over what you did to me. I know I did some fucked up shit to you in the past, but I was never unfaithful to you."

I nodded my head acceptingly to prove that I was listening to him. "Maybe I could have gone out and fucked someone else just to get back at you, but every time that I came close to doing so something stopped me dead in my tracks."

"I wouldn't blame you if you slept with someone else, Brian."

"Well, I didn't." He assured. "The truth is that I hadn't had sex until last night with you..."

He chuckled sadly. "Believe me, I came close to it. But...I just couldn't bring myself to go through with it."

"I'm sorry." I apologised sincerely. "I know being drunk is no excuse for what I did but it's the only one that I have. I understand now that you were just asking for some alone time, which you are allowed to have. I know how overwhelming I can be."

"I don't know why I said that to you, Sal." Brian lamented. "Because it wasn't what I wanted at all."

He fell back along the sofa and shook his head. "After you left, this place felt so lonely without you. Even the silence was echoing off of the walls."

His eyes fell onto mine for a moment, before I pulled my attention away. "Sal, I hope you know that what happened last night was very out of character, even for me. I was just so broken and angry with you."

"I deserved it." I shrugged.

"No, you didn't." Brian denied insistently. "I hope you can forgive me."

"After all the fucked-up shit we've been through, Brian, I honestly don't think there is anything that I won't forgive you for." I acknowledged, smiling small. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but there is something that brings us back together for a reason, I can just feel it inside of me."

"I feel it too," He confessed without hesitation.

"What does this mean for us?" I questioned, feeling the lump form in my throat.

"That no matter what happens, we need to heal old wounds and put our differences aside if we want this to work." Brian explained thoughtfully. "A clean slate, no more lies, excuses or anything. We need to be honest with each other with everything."

He cocked a brow. "And I mean everything, Sal."

"You have my word." I agreed. "Hand on my heart."

"Good." Brian replied, and for the first time in a long time, I saw a genuine smile play on his lips. He opened up his arms. "Now, come here, I have missed you."

Laughing softly, I fell into his embrace and was immediately squished tightly into Brian's chest. He dotted a number of kisses to my forehead and cheeks, soon catching my lips with his. Pulling away far enough to look me into the eyes, I witnessed the glint return into the chocolate orbs. His grip at my waist constricted and I was soon being laid along the sofa, with Brian climbing on top and stating confidently. "Let's put all of this in the past once and for all."

THE END...FOR NOW.