Being thrown away in the garbage in a dark alleyway in London when she was only a baby, she should have died that day... But she didn't.. instead, a man saved her. He brought her in and saved her, fed her, bathed her, raised her and more importantly...
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When we got to the mansion everyone was exhausted. I felt overwhelmed mentally and physically exhausted. The pain in my chest never left and the shakiness in my hands never stopped. Alex helped carry my bag upstairs. All of them making comments on how 'weak' I was. Which was a bit uncalled for regarding that they spend countless hours at the gym.
Boneless dickheads.
As soon as I was alone in my room. My demons came... I felt more alone than ever. The pain in my heart hasn't left since I left the courtroom. I slid down the door bringing my knees to my chest. I just want this pain to stop. I just want everything to go away. I just want the feeling of his burning hands to leave my skin. I just need everything to stop.
"BREANNA GET DOWN HERE NOW"! I heard mum call from downstairs. Since daddy left me and went to the clouds mummy has been very angry. She has been yelling at me lots and calling me bad names. Daddy always said that bad words were very bad. But mummy has been saying them a lot lately. I walked downstairs feeling a little bit scared. What did mummy want from me now? Did I do something wrong again? I have been doing that a lot lately. I walked over to mummy who was standing near the front door. "yes mummy"? I looked up to see a tall man in the front door leaning on the door frame. He was really tall and had a big tummy.
A bit like Santa clause.
He looked older than daddy and had lines all over his face. the man had big bags under his eyes and his black cropped hair looked really greasy and gross. He also smelt funny which made my nose scrunch up in disgust. I would say something. but daddy always told me to be a good nice and polite girl and even though he is in the clouds now. I won't let him down. I won't let him be disappointed in me. "hwello my name is bweanna". I asked in my bright bubbly voice.
"Hello little princess, my name is Mike".
The maids dropped of food in my room but I just flushed it down the toilet. I don't feel like eating... I don't feel like anything...
I feel like nothing..
I watch the sun go down. I dangle my feet over the window ledge. It probably looks like I am going to jump out or something. I love looking at stars. I and dad always loved looking at the constellations of the stars. We loved making shapes and telling stories as we did so. It was always something we did when one of us felt sad or lonely. Or if I had a bad dream it was just something about the stars that calmed me. I didn't look to see what time it was. I didn't care if it was late or not. "Breanna"? I snapped my head back to my bedroom door and saw Vince. He looked at me closely full of worry and fear.
Oh, right he probably thinks I am trying to jump out or something.
"Relax Vince I am just watching". Vince's narrowed look softens and he steps closer. "Watching what"? I look back at the stars and smile softly. "the stars". I don't look back at Vince but I feel him move closer. He puts a hand over my shoulder. Lucky for me it's my good one. "C'mon baby let's go". I huff and look back at him with confused scrunched up face. "go where"? He smiled then added. "get a jacket". I felt intrigued and got a jacket from the bags I haven't unpacked yet. He frowned seeing I haven't unpacked any of my things into the closet or anything. "why haven't you unpacked". I shrugged then got the jacket. "ok got it". he nodded and got some blankets along the way. I was confused about what he was doing but I went along with it. He opened the back door I looked at him confused.
We are going outside.
Well, this is definitely the best way for them to kill me. lure me outside, kill me the dumb my body in the woods somewhere. "Come on". He huffed in annoyance. I looked at him dumbfounded but because I was curious I continued to go along with it. he went to the green grass where it looked most comfy. Then laid down the blankets. He then laid down himself and used his arms as pillows and his face and body face the stars. I stared in awe and confusion. "you coming". He called snapping me out of my trance. I was completely flabbergasted no one has ever done this sort of thing for me. I felt as if I was staring at dad... That I was with dad. I cautiously laid down next to him feeling a little self-cautious. Cause this is the closest I have ever being to someone. I am used to being a personal bubble social distanced away from everyone.
"so, you brought me down here to look at the stars"? I challenged. He chuckled lightly and shook his head. "well when I was about your age I used to do the same. I loved the stars.. whenever I was in a bad or a shi-crappy mood I would just watch the stars. They calmed me". he shrugged carelessly. I looked at him in shock maybe that is where I get it from. Maybe all this time I was just like my father... "Same for me". my answer was small and blunt. But I was not good at talking. When I was younger I could talk for hours and hours about no topic in particular. But as I grew up I lost that...
Vince just hummed and looked at the stars peacefully. I stared at him with guilt and sadness. "I um really want to thank you, Vince, for taking me in. I'm also err sorry about how I um have acted towards you". I mumbled. I wish I was better at this stuff. But I am undeniably terrible at this and talking about any feelings. He frowned when I called him Vince then sighed loudly. "It's ok baby girl. You need to stop thanking me. I would do it again and again in a heartbeat. Because You are my little baby girl". He sighed his words pouring out like a beautiful chorus of melodies. Hearing him call me his baby girl made my heart swell with content. Warmness and flutters filled me. "ok... thanks Vince". He sighed again.
Guilt swelled through me. "You really don't like me calling you Vince"? I winced at my own question. "no true father wants to be called by their first name by their child". He sighed but my curiosity beamed as he said, 'true father'. "What do you mean true father"?
He clicked his tongue and he tensed. "sorry forget I asked anything – ".
"No, it's ok". He sighed still looking at the bright shining stars I turned my head to do the same. "My father wasn't a good man... he wasn't a true father". I stared at him feeling guilty for asking him. "He never cared about me, my brother or my mother.. he only cared about him and the family business. He only ever cared about training me. training me to be the best. But for him, nothing I did was ever good enough for him. There was always something wrong. Even if it was the smallest detail he would still over criticise me for it". his jaw clenched at the memory. He looked so sad and broken telling his story. "He would... hurt us". I grimaced at that knowing exactly what he meant and what he has felt. "My mother wanted to run away and take me and my younger brother with her. She wanted to escape. But when my father found out. He killed her". I couldn't help the gasp what left my lips. He looked at me with complete sadness. "I vowed to my mother that if I ever had children I would shower them with love, kindness, nurture and warmth. I promised my mother that I will be the man that my father never could be. A real father doesn't need law, money or force to be a father. What my father didn't know and what he couldn't comprehend. Was that any man can be a father but it takes a real man to be a dad". I stared at him with complete awe and.....love. my heart filled with warmth love and sadness listening to his story. "I'm sorry you had to go through that... and I'm sorry that you lost your mother". I held his hand giving it a slight squeeze. I felt surprised by my kind gesture. But I just felt comfortable and I felt safe with him. "It's ok baby girl. I have learnt to heal from my scars. Grandma would have loved to meet you. You two probably would have got along quite well". He chuckled to himself. For the rest of the night we just.... talked.
He told stories about grandma, my brothers and his brother. I also learnt that my grandma was a bit of a badass. We talked about everything. We talked about the stars. We talked about my brothers and about anything. He told me about their childhood. I felt happy hearing that my brothers lived a good life and had a good childhood. I am happy they didn't have one like mine and ended up like me. I talked to him about my favourite books. We had a big discussion and debate about what the author is better. I also learnt that we had very similar humour. We joke and talked for hours. It felt so natural talking to him. That I didn't have to worry or second guess myself. I just let myself be free for once.
I let myself feel loved...
And the last thing I heard before everything went to darkness and the world around me stopped was.
