STILL THE ONE

Chapter 23 - All The Things That I Think About

Can I open my mouth and let the words come spilling now?
Show you the side of me that I hadn't figured out
And I want you to know all the things that I think about
Can I let it out?
Cause I want you to be there
Yeah, I want you to be there

If I told you my secrets
And I showed you my weakness
Would you love me or leave me?
Tell me, how would you see me?
If I told you my thoughts
And showed you all of my scars
Would you love me or leave me?
Tell me, how would you see me?

"So, how about we sing through it together, see how it sounds and then tweak it."

He saw the look of panic on her face and then felt guilty for the feeling of satisfaction he felt. She took her mic and they began to sing. He was expecting it to be a bit of a car crash at first, they hadn't sung together for a long time, and a lot had happened since then, but it sounded incredible and he felt all the hair stand up on his arms. Everyone watching just stared. There was an energy between them when they sang, it had always been there, and nothing had changed. They finished on a beautiful harmonised note and then she ripped her headphones off and all but ran out. He held a hand up to the others to let them know he'd handle it and he followed her out.

She was pacing in the break room, it was eerily reminiscent of the scene backstage on tour. He felt guilty, worried he might have broken her, that she was going to have another meltdown, but then he saw she was angry.

"Camila...."

"Why did you do that?"

"Do what?" He was genuinely perplexed.

"Suggest we sing together," she sputtered, as if it was the most ridiculous thing he could have done.

"Come on Camila, we're in a recording studio working on a duet that YOU insisted we record..."

"You suggested it! You asked me!"

"You said no, I thought it wasn't going to happen. Why did you change your mind?"

She sputtered again, searching for words.

"That's not the point here, the point is....." she petered off and rubbed her forehead, still pacing.

"Yeah, what is the point Camila?" He watched her and felt a spurt of annoyance. "And can you keep still for a minute? Stop pacing!"

She stopped and turned to him, her lower lip trembling. Oh God, now he'd made her cry!

"I'm sorry...."

"For what, why are you sorry?" he asked softly, stepping forward.

"I...for everything, for going to pieces, for even suggesting we do this thing...."

"That's all? THAT'S what you're sorry for?" He felt the last piece of his heart fracture. For a moment he thought she was going to say she was sorry for what happened between them. Her face crumpled as she saw his distress.

"Shawn, don't, please..."

"After everything, EVERYTHING, you're sorry for pacing, for getting upset when we sang, which sounded fucking amazing by the way, because we always sound good together, which is why we are here doing this thing...."

"Is that why you insisted we sing together just then? To prove to me that we sound good together?"

"I didn't think I needed to prove it Camila, you already know because it's a fact," he said, running his hand through his hair. "You had to know at some point we would be singing together, stop fooling yourself, and stop blaming me for everything! If I had my way, we would still be together, none of this stupid shit would have happened!"