polaris✨ || bts • kth au [COMPLETED]

1.9

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Friends. Okay.

Really, it was okay. Cassandra wasn't angry or upset. After all, she should have known.
Taehyung was so different to her. He was so bold, so carefree. He attracted people. It was something about him that made people want to be around him. He was also really smart, he took his chances. And he had taken his chance when it came to her.

She didn't blame him. She wasn't being sarcastic either. In fact, she thought this might be her fault. After all, she should have known better by now. It wasn't the first time she had fallen for someone who had lured her with nice words and a pretty smile, only to drop her later like a hot potato. She felt dumb for always falling for it.
Someone like Taehyung didn't look for a relationship and she understood it. However, despite the fact that she respected that, she was not willing to change herself just to please him or anyone else.
She was alright with making out with him, she would have loved to do so that night. But he looked so eager. Too eager. Like he was trying to rush it, like it was a race he was trying to win. He had said they were just friends, though. And she didn't kiss her friends. She didn't make out with her friends either. If he was alright with doing that then good for him, but she was not.

However, it was okay. She had told him it was. And it really was. It was just that it had only been half an hour and she already missed him.
She would get over it though. It had taken her only days to gain interest in him and it would only take days to lose it again. However, these thoughts felt familiar. She had already believed them two weeks ago. Maybe this time would be different though. And in addition to that, they wouldn't see each other anymore. Only at the photography exam, but that was all. And then holidays started and she would spend two months at her relatives'. She wouldn't see or get reminded of him for a long period of time, simply forgetting about his existence. That should be enough to get him out of her system.

Cassandra was about to reach out for the book, their book, but then decided against it. Leaving it where it was. It was the book which had actually brought them together after all.
Another thought popped up her mind. Those letters she had found, were they his after all? She had never got a definite answer to this question. It didn't matter anymore though.
It was time for her to stop thinking. She looked up to the sky through the glass roof. That was what she always did when she was frustrated. That and watching sitcoms. Even the smallest star could distract her. However, it wasn't like that this time. In fact, looking up to the stars made her feel even worse. It reminded her of Taehyung.

That was the moment.

That was the moment she finally realised how big of an idiot she had been. She had opened up to him to a point, in which one of the only things she truly enjoyed reminded her of him. And now that it reminded her of him, she didn't know if she would enjoy it anymore.

In which moment had she ever decided to trust him?

Cassandra felt like crying. But she wasn't going to do it. She wouldn't waste one single tear over him.
So instead she went to her room and opened the laptop. Going back to the sitcoms she had been watching before he had shown up. The only thing he hadn't messed up for her.

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Taehyung woke up quite late. In fact, it had already been afternoon. He hadn't been able to sleep all night long and he didn't feel like leaving the bed in the first place.

He only knew two things: it was Saturday and he missed Cassandra.

He missed the fact that he wouldn't be able to wait for her at her locker or scare her anymore. He missed the fact that he wasn't going to see her sleepy face in the morning. It sounded like he was being dramatic over something stupid, because even though classes were over, they still needed to go back to college for two more weeks and he could see her again.
But it wouldn't be the same.
Would he talk with her about art? Would he take her out for a walk? Would he hold her hand? Would he try to kiss her in the attic? Would he randomly tell her how breathtaking she was, while she read him a passage about Saturn and its rings? He didn't think so. Because friends didn't kiss or hold hands. Friends didn't call each other 'breathtaking'. Not in the way he meant it when saying it about her.

He was being annoying about it. He was behaving like a teenager, but maybe that was the emotional level he was at. Especially taking to account they had never had anything official.

But it had felt like she was his then. Now it didn't.

He stayed in bed, listening to songs that reminded him of her. Yeontan laying on his side, keeping him company. He only got up to eat something, pretending that nothing had happened in front of his friends. Thankfully, they didn't question him. Although they had noticed that something was off about him. They decided not to mention anything. At least for now. He would eventually tell them, when he felt like it. They knew.

Taehyung went back then, locking himself in his room. And started writing. Because that was the only thing he couldn't mess up. His songs.

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Cassandra had planned to spend the weekend laying in her pyjamas and watching tv. She was rewatching the same old sitcoms over and over again, her not feeling like moving at all. Being both, mentally and physically exhausted. She just wanted to have a good laugh and not think of anything -or anyone- when her phone started ringing.
It was her mother and she instantly picked up. Having wondered why she hadn't called her in days. A breath could be heard from the other line. "Cassandra?"
"Hey, mum," she smiled. However, her mother's tone wasn't cheerful as it usually would be. "Cassandra.. you need to come."
"What? Why?" She could already think of what was going on though. After all, her mother went without her to their relatives, not able to wait for her holidays, for a reason. 
"Dad's.. grandpa's condition.. it doesn't look good. You have to come now. Not in two weeks."
The girl's expression instantly dropped. Her face going blank. Her premonition had been right. It was one of the rare moments she didn't want to be right about something. "Okay," was all she could say before hanging up on her mother. And for a moment, she was simply sitting their in silence. Her eyes falling on the countless photographs on the walls and shelves around the living room. Her grandparents being on many of them.

How was she supposed to feel now? She was supposed to feel sad. But somehow she ended up not feeling anything. She was frozen, like a statue. Her breath slowly beginning to quicken. It suddenly hurt. Her chest hurt. It hurt all over again. Right when she had managed to control her emotions and forget about the pain of the previous day, she had to go through it again. But for a way more serious reason this time. This wasn't about heartbreak over an idiot.
And she suddenly felt again. All the emotions coming back, the ones from the previous day and the ones now, catching her off-guard.
Cassandra abruptly stood up then, going upstairs. Upstairs to her attic. She hadn't planned on going up there for a while after what had happened the other day. But she needed it. She really needed it right now. So she sat down in front of her telescope. Looking through the lense. The tears in her eyes making it impossible for her to see anything. She still kept staring.
"Where are you, grandpa?" she whispered to herself, wiping away the flowing tears from her face. "You said you'd always be on the other side of the telescope."

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