I'm a douche

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"I was at my worst when I met her, I was fragile and naive back then and I personally thought we're the perfect match for each other. You see, she understands me the way noone else could at that time, she...had treid her very best to figure me out---she would often call me "abstract"; a walking paradox and I kept denying that I am because she already had knw me like the back of her hands.

We had a diffrent connection, this may sound absurd but I feel what she feels. When she's sad, mad, happy and when in pain, I feel her. When a certain area of my body is in pain for no reason I'll immediately ask her and hen she'll confirm that it's hers. She would often apologize for it... I was madly-deeply-truly in love with her so every pain was worth it. She's the best thing that ever happened to me in that chaotic time of my life. I had loved her for God knows how long, Kristine was the last woman I ever love. I promised her that, and at least this one I get to keep."

"You see, I messed her up. I stole something that now I can never her give back. I took away her positive perspective towards life and it led her to cycle of panic attacks, anxiety and...and depression... And I can't do anything about it, I broke her and I can't even help to fix her."

"I cheated. And she understood the douche I am. She's miles away from me, I was in need of someone to be with physically, someone I can hold. So I cheated on her. She was mad at first but then later on...after breakings thigs up between us she started supporting my flirtatious escapades. Now this girl I used to cheat on this woman... cheated on me too... I really liked the girl and she just ... hay... but this woman... she got my back. I cried to her and se comforted me. things wee going okay between us again."

"And then for the second time I became foolish again. I toyed her feelings, I gave her false hopes about the two of us. She was outrageous all I can say was sorry. But what I didn't expect from her is forgiveness for the second time. She forgave the motherfucker I am."

"I was in a relationship with boys and we still have communication, she would send drunk messages, advises for my relationships until she got herself into a relationship too."

"Sometimes out of nowhere she'll rant about the crap I did to her and I had the audacity to retort 'haven't you forgiven me already? what the fuck.'. Yeah, I was so full of myself back then, she build me up so good I graduted as the top of the batch. "

"I thought she was already fine. I thought she was happy because she said so, but it turns out, she had another toxic relationship. It's not my story to tell so yeah, she ran into another douche."

"I thought everything was okay between us even if we seldomly talk."

"Turns out everthing bad that had happened to her starred whe she met me. She haven't fully forgiven me, or maybe she'd never do. And I understand her. I'm a shitty person, she should've never met me."

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