Agent 024

SEPARATE WAYS

I lay on the bed staring at the moving fan. It had been a while since the sleepless nights had knocked in. I knew I needed to consult someone as Doctor Kumar kept suggesting. I stepped out of the bed as an idea hit me.

"Tisha?", Priya said, her eyes half closed as the door creaked as I opened it.

"Yeah, just heading out for a walk, can't sleep.", I said.

"You okay? I'll come with you-", Priya volunteered and I shushed her.

"Go back to sleep. I'll be back soon, I promise", I smiled.

She nodded and I closed the door behind me.

I walked towards the shooting wing. I greeted the receptionist and he gave me the gear readily. It was almost as if he was expecting me.

I walked towards the area we took aim at. I aimed towards the target and steadied my hand. I took a deep breath and focused all my concentration on the target.

"Boy, you must really hate me to come to the shooting arena at midnight to complete your target.", I heard Abhay's voice and saw him walking towards me.

I turned back towards the target. My next shooting class was two days later. I had to complete at least 30shots today to complete the session and avoid being mentored by Abhay again. 

"The grip is still too tight, you have to let the gun feel like a part of you.", he said as he stood in front of me and crossed his arms.

I side stepped him and took my aim again.

I hit the target and missed. I couldn't focus with him breathing down my neck.

"Move.", I said, looking at him.

"Well, if I don't, why don't you just punch me again?", Abhay said.

"For fuck sake, Abhay, I told you I regret doing that. Irrfan's life was in danger and that was the only idea I had at that point. If I were to make a choice between my friend's life and your feelings, I would choose Irrfan again!", I said holding out my gun in the air and Abhay raised his hands in surrender.

I scoffed as I threw the gun down.

"That's it? You call that an apology?", Abhay scoffed.

"Oh I'm not making one any more. I have no idea why I fell for a jerk like you. But you know what, it's good that you said no, I would have regretted dating you.", I said as I walked towards the exit of the arena.

"Oh Tisha. I'm the one who gets knocked unconscious in the middle of the mission, have to explain to the Dean of the Academy who by the way is my dad why I failed to stop a first year cadet and gets hell from all sides for mixing up my feelings with work - the one rule agents are not allowed to break under any circumstances. I'm the one who had his feelings used against him. I was the one who was betrayed but by all means, you're allowed to be the one who's hurt and shattered."

"Abhay, I regret the way things went down. I came to meet you that day to explain to you my side of things but you won't let me near you for months. If I could take it back and do it another way, I would. I'm sorry for the embarrassment you faced. But I'm  done taking shit for it from you. You want to play the cold shoulder with me, by all means do but stay the fuck away from me from now on.", I said as I picked up the gun I had dropped. The agent at the reception would kill me if I didn't return his beloved gear.

"I'm sorry.", Abhay said.

I was in no mood for his apology in the middle of a sleep deprived night and walked towards the door again.

"I'm sorry, Tisha.", he called out, "I didn't consider your perspective. You were scared for your friend's life and you tried explaining things to me but I didn't trust you. You did what you had to."

"You want to make up for it, Abhay? Get out of the arena and let me practice in peace so neither of us have to see each other's face at the arena on Tuesday.", I said.

"Tisha, I'm trying here-", Abhay said.

"That possibility expired months ago, Abhay. I don't know what angel hit you just now but your change of heart doesn't change things between us. Anything that there was between us is over.", I said holding the door open for him.

"Tisha, I'm sorry. There's a reason I didn't want to date you. I had real feelings for you, and I knew you did too. If we got into a relationship, it would screw the one rule we agents are not allowed to break, we're not allowed to mix personal and professional here. When you used my feelings for you to trick me, it made me screw the one rule I had, not to allow myself to love because I dreaded something like this. And when it happened, I didn't know how to respond, I was angry at myself and I took that anger out on you. I thought cutting off communication with you-", 

"Would be the best way to punish me. Congratulations, you succeeded. And maybe we could have talked this shit over when I first came to meet you at the infirmary or during the hundred other times, I tried talking to you and you blew me off. You see, Abhay I tried for the sake of our friendship and you made it clear I didn't exist for you anymore-", I said.

"That's not what I wanted-", Abhay interrupted.

I held my hand up, stopping him.

"And I made my peace with that version of the reality too. And it was hell to do that but hey I did. And no, you're not allowed back into my world after what you made me go through. Guess we've both hurt each other enough. Our lives would be better off without each other.", I said holding the door wider. I was shaking with anger now. All the pent up feelings, I had refused to face all these months, flooded me.

"You're right.", Abhay said and walked towards the door.

I looked the other way as he passed me through the door. He didn't need to see the tears that were rolling down and I needed to go see that therapist soon.