Not So Nice // (Rewrite)

10 | starving for attention

starving for attention by the narrative

CW: Eating disorders, mention of death, mentions of child neglect, mentions of child abuse

Pansy:

Her head whips around, her eyes are blotchy and red.

"What?" I walk over to her and wipe her tears away. I rest my forehead on hers.

"I'm sorry," I say

"It's okay, I just got upset." I take my head away and cup her face forcing her to look at me.

"Don't do that June, don't blame yourself when you have done nothing wrong. It's not okay and I'm going to try and make it up to you."

"How much did you hear?" She says, starting to look down.

"Enough." Tears form in her eyes again, "I love you too." She looks back up and I kiss her softly. Our lips touch barely and she sighs into my mouth trying to pull me closer. I pull back.

"Do you want to talk?"

"Please," she says but before I can talk, she pecks me again. I smile and we go and sit down.

"What do you want to know?" I breathe out. I love her, I really do, but I'm so tired and my body aches immensely.

"I just want you to talk to me instead of bottling everything up."

"That's not fair," I say defensively. "What do you mean people always leave you?"

"Shit" she whispers. She sighs and decides on talking, "My parents were killed by he who shall not be named. I was adopted and then my adoptive parents left, I don't really know where they are now. I live here during the year, and in the summer, I go to France since apparently some of my cousins live there, but their mum she, well, she doesn't like me to say the least. Um and I guess my parents leaving and stuff has made me pretty clingy, which I'm sure you've noticed but all my other partners have left because of that. So yeah, that's me." She says the whole thing looking at her hands in her lap. I grasp her hands in mine.

"Okay, first things first you're staying with me this summer, and winter break, even though France is nice, I know how the girls and guys are there, and your mine. Second, I'm going to hunt down your adoptive parents and they will pay for leaving you. Third, you are perfect and any douchebag that is leaving you, especially leaving you because your "clingy" doesn't fucking deserve you. I'm not going to leave you, I wasn't going to. I love you, okay?" June Celeste Dupont, you are mine! Jeez how did I not realize how french that sounds?" she laughs and I kiss her knuckles one at a time.

"Your turn," she says I take a deep breath and begin

"I'm not sure what you want to know, my father left us when I was around five, I never knew him very well and my mum just hopes I'll be able to keep a husband since she couldn't. So yeah, that's me." I say repeating her words. I leave almost everything out, hoping she doesn't notice but of course she does.

"You have to give me more than that." But I can't. I just can't, she can't try and stop those things, because as much as I hate them they have to stay.

As much as I hate my mother I have to listen to her if I want to survive in this life. "Talk to me, I know you're struggling but I can't help you if you don't talk to me."

God, it's so cold. Why is it so cold? A shiver runs through my body and June comes in and out of focus. Everything's so blurry. I just need sleep. Sleep will help.

"Can we talk about this in the morning?" I say

"Pansy please," she whispers, I can't see her face, fuck her beautiful face why can't I see it.

"Inside, it's cold here." I shiver again, and she takes my hand in hers.

"Jesus, you're like literally freezing." She casts a warming charm and lifts me up.

We start walking downstairs but I'm losing my balance, I trip over a few stairs and she holds onto me tighter.

I can feel the warming charm go through my veins and sigh a bit at the relief. I just need sleep. Sleep will help.

We walk back into Hogwarts and it's so big. There are so many stairs. I trip a few more times and then all a sudden I can't keep standing, it's so much work, and my body hurts too much. Fuck, I think I fell.

_________________

    Opening my eyes it's so bright. I cover my eyes with my hands and roll over, stuffing my head into the pillow. Except it's not my pillow, it's some uncomfortable cheap pillow. But I recognize it from the first year when I fell and broke my arm. Shit, I'm in the infirmary.

"Dumbass, fuckup, Merlin's beard." I curse into the pillow.

"You're okay, thank god!" I can feel a shift in the bed and I turn over and see June. My June.

"Sadly." I groan, covering my eyes again. She punches me lightly, very lightly, as if she's going to break me.

"You scared me, Jesus, you could have died."

"I'm fine," I said sitting up. She sits next to me and kisses my forehead.

"I'm glad you're okay. Do you need anything?" I shake my head, I've only fainted once, maybe twice that I can remember but usually in the summer, never at school. I act as though this has never happened before.

"What happened?" I say looking up at her.

"You fainted, Madam Pomfrey said you were malnourished." Silence hangs in the air like cigarette smoke in a muggle taxi. I can tell June knows exactly what that means.

"Oh." I break the silence after a long while.

"If you don't want me to, I won't tell the others, but I'm not going to act like this didn't happen." I nod, I didn't think she would. She'll probably be watching me eat every meal for a while. "I'm going to go get the others, they are outside worried sick." I laugh at her choice of words and a smile inches its way across her face. "Not funny."