Not So Nice // (Rewrite)

16 | golden boy II

are you satisfied by MARINA

CW: Self-harm, cutting, suicidal thoughts, depression, anxiety

Cedric:

I'm trying to read. Really I am, but I can't stop looking up at Sage. Her glasses are perched on the tip of her nose, constantly sliding down. I should learn a spell to keep them there but she is just so god damn cute every time she pushes them up adjusting them.

Her hair falls around her face on one side and she leans over the desk explaining something to Blaise. I really don't like seeing her with him. Not one bit. I'm sure I look actually crazy as I stare at him, my eyes burning through the back of his head.

Apparently, they can feel my gaze because Sage turns her head and smiles giving me a small wave. I immediately smile back, how could I not? Looking at her. Blaise turns his head and smiles too. He looks way too nice, he can't possibly be that nice.

"Hey, Cedric" I hear Zach, another Hufflepuff on the quidditch team say.

"Oh hey," I say, shaking my gaze away from her. He follows where my eyes were and says

"Is that the mystery girl, she's pretty, red hair, Weasley?"

"Mhm," I reply. She makes me feel so much. I hate that he likes her. I hate that he thinks she's even pretty. My nails dig into my palms, a bad but normal habit.

"Do you want to go get in a little extra practice before the game?" Fuck the game. I totally forgot about it, and I'm definitely not ready.

"Shit yeah, can we go later?" I really do not want to leave Sage.

"Yeah I guess"

"Okay thanks, man."

"Yep." I pull out my bag and try to focus on my homework. I check my to-do list and I sigh. I have so much homework to do. Way way too much. I have at least two assignments in all my classes and have to study for two tests.

You have a B in two classes and you'll never get them up. Jesus Cedric, you're such a fuckup. Don't you want to graduate? Don't you want to get a fucking job? You have to take care of your dad, you couldn't take care of her. You can't, you haven't done enough. Your dad wants you to do good.

Why can't you do at least okay in your classes? Your mom wanted you to do well in your classes and she wanted a good life for you. She's rolling around in her fucking grave.

Merlin's Beard! I hastily grab my things and put them in my bag. I walk as calmly as I can into my room. Fuck Cedric you can't do anything right. I go into the bathroom and roll up my sleeves.

Too much! Too fucking much! Make it stop, make it stop make it stop! Please! My heart feels like it's beating out of my chest. I pull open the drawer and cast a spell to make my scars appear again.

My breathing is heavy but I'll have released soon. It will stop. Some are still red, fresh, and healing. Pulling a fresh blade out I press it to my arm and release floods my mind.

It's stopping but not enough. Another line another and then another. I can feel my heartbeat slow and I sigh in relief. The blood starts to drip down onto the floor. Drip, drip, drip.

I find the gauze and wrap it tightly around my wrist and secure it with medical tape. My breathing is back to normal. Everything is fine. You're fine.

I hear the door to the room click open and I mutter a charm to hide the rest of the scars.

"Ced?" Fuck not now. Not her.

"Mh yeah give me a sec," I say pulling down my shirt sleeve and grabbing toilet paper to clean up the blood that leaked to the ground.

Once it's clean I quickly rinse off the blade and put it away with the others. I'll clean them properly later. I open the door and force a smile at first but after seeing her it doesn't need to be forced. It comes naturally like everything with her.

"Are you okay? I saw you rush in here and thought I would check on you." she's too kind for her own good.

"Yes, yes I'm good, I just needed to get changed. I think Zach and I are going to practice some quidditch for the game tomorrow, against you." I lie, poking her in the shoulder. She giggles and poked back

"Why aren't aren't you changed then?"

"Oh um, I guess I got a bit scatterbrained and can't remember why I went in there." Another lie. She laughs and turns toward the door.

"I'll let you get changed."

"Thanks erm, Sage?" Her head turns back, face calm, and eyes so sweet.

"Yes?"

"Would you like to erm, do you, can you come to the game?" I stutter and finally finish the question.

"I would love to." She smiles, and so do I.

"Great um you don't have to cheer me on but I'd like for you to be there."

"Of course I'll be cheering you on, I'd love to be there thank you for the invitation!"

"Always." At this point, I'm by the door towering over her. I lean down to kiss her on the cheek and let her out, but before I know it my lips are on hers, she turned her head just in time and how could I resist?

She smelled like spring even in the middle of winter. She tasted sweet and clean. She pulls back breathing heavily.

"I've got to... " She says nodding her head to the door.

"Yes, of course, I do too," I say with a cheeky smile on my lips and when I look over her she has the same damn smile across her face. She opens the door with one hand and brushes her lips with the other. Absolutely perfect.