chemical

14.

"I'm pretty tired." I said to him.

"You want me to stay here with you until you fall asleep?"

"Yes." I answered without hesitation.

He layed down next to me on his back.

"I'm sorry for being an asshole sometimes." I whispered once he was comfortable.

"What makes you believes that you're an asshole?" He aksed kinda confused.

"I don't really know. I just get the feeling that i could be nicer to you, that's all." I said with my head down.

"You're not being an asshole to me. You're just not a big talker and that's something I'm not used to. Most patients I'd had wouldn't stop talking and always wanted me to stay with them."

I laughed a little. "I don't think I'll ever be like that."

"And that's perfectly okay."

I nodded as i closed my eyes. It didn't take me long before i was alseep.

This time i woke up by a nurse coming in to my room. I had one of the best nights sleep in a while, i had zero nightmares.

"Feeling a little better?" The nurse asked as she looked at my chart.

I yawned and nodded. "Yes, my headache is completely gone."

"That's good to hear." She said with a smile.

She put the chart down and left the room before returning a minute later with a tray.

"Here's your breakfast or should i say lunch?"

I looked at the clock before i understood her. I had slept till 1 in the afternoon.

I thanked her and slowly sat up.

As i was eating i couldn't help but think about the scale that was currently under my bed. Mabye i did need to watch my weight?

There was a knock at the door just when i wanted to step on the scale.

I quickly shoved it back under the bed. "Come in."

"Hey, it's me." Alice said as she entered my room.

"Hey how's going?"

"Pretty good." She said as she sat down on a the couch.

"Did you dye you hair yourself?" I aksed wanting to know her a little a better.

She laughed. "Yeah, it's pretty obvious isn't it?"

"A little but i still think it looks pretty cool."

"Thanks."

"Why did you actually come to my room?"

"I was wondering if i could use your scale."

I nodded and pointed under the bed. "Go ahead"

She grabbed it and weighed herself. Alice seemed disappointed and put it back under the bed.

"Something wrong?" I aksed concerned.

She smiled and shook her head. "No everything is perfectly fine."

"Thanks for letting me use it." She said before leaving the room.

"No problem." I said with a smile.

I didn't took much thought into her weighing herself because i wanted to do the same thing before she came in.

I couldn't help but think about River. Normally he would've come to check on me around this time.

It was time to take matters into my owns. I stepped out of bed and walked to his room.

I gently knocked on his doorframe.

He looked up and smiled. "Come in."

He was laying in his bed which could only mean that he didn't feel good.

I walked to him and sat down next to him on the bed. "Everything alright?"

"Everything hurts, i feel like a freaking 90 year old man or something."

I laughed a little at that comment. "Did they gave you painkillers?"

He nodded. "Yeah but they never seemed to work the way i want them to."

He gently placed his head in my lap. "I'm happy that you're here."

I smiled at him. "So am i."

As i was playing with his hair i noticed that it was extremely thin and came out very easily.

"You're losing your hair." I said to him.

He nodded. "One of the many fun side effects of chemo."

"You should dye it a weird color before you lose it." I said to him.

"Only if you do it too."

I stopped touching his hair. "Are you crazy? My mom is going to freak out if i do that. She doesn't even let me have my natural color let alone a unnatural color."

"We'll  dye our togeter next week." He said with a smirk.

"You're going to have my killed."

"Aren't you scared to lose your hair?" I asked him.

"Not really, I've never been really attached to my hair. I'll look good regardless of my hair."

"I admire your confidence."

"As you should." He said with a smile.

"You're scared of losing it, aren't you?" He asked after i stayed quiet.

I nodded. "All my life I've been told that your appearance is the most important thing in your life. If I'm being honest i started to believe that."

"Your appearance doesn't make you who you are. It simply hides your true self that you've been scared to show to people."

"Maybe."

"Shall we watch a movie?" I said as i was not in the mood to talk any more.

He nodded. "You can pick one but please don't pick a horror movie."

"I'll just put friends on."

Not even two episodes later River had fallen asleep.

He was snoring pretty loud so there was no doubt that he was awake.

I laughed as i watched his sleeping face, it wasn't very charming.

It was still pretty early so i didn't feel like sleeping just yet. Besides i wasn't even going to bother trying to sleep. I was sick of having nightmares.

I carefully removed his head from my lap and snuck out if his room.

The later it was the easier you could sneak out and even if you got caught they couldn't really punish you. Having to live in a hospital was already enough of a punishment.

I tiptoed to the elevator and pressed the button to go to the main floor.

Everyone was too busy with their own thing so i was able to leave the hospital unnoticed.

As i filled my lungs with the cold air i finally felt happy. I had my first taste of freedom after being locked up for a while.

Even though the possibilities where endless i decided to just sit down on a bench infront of the hospital.

As i sat down i started to regret my decision of not stopping by my own room. I was sitting outside with just an oversized shirt with baggy sweatpants.