chemical

40.

A few weeks later

Today was probably one of the most nerve wrecking days of my life. Calum would tell me if i was healthy enough to go home with my mom. I would have to talk to my adoptive parents about treatment and other stuff regarding their care. All of this had to he done today because it was my 18th birthday. Which meant that there was almost no time to actually celebrate.

These past few weeks were not as good as i wanted them to be. Alice and River were both getting a lot better while i only started to feel worse. This was obviously something that i needed to hide from everybody. I needed to act like i was in perfect condition so i could go home with my mom.

The most difficult thing about faking all that where my vitals. They also weren't looking that great. But i was able to talk myself out of it every single time. I unfortunately knew that i would soon not have the energy to do that.

I hadn't spoken to my adoptive family for quite some time. Mandy and my mom refused to see each other so to avoid that Mandy didn't visit me anymore.

Calum had giving me a phone as a birthday present this morning. I had told mutiple times that i didn't want anything but he did it anyways. I was extremely thankful for the phone even though i had no idea what i needed it for. Until Alice come up with the idea to delete all my social media accounts.

I was currently sitting in my bed together with Alice. "Just do it. You won't regret it." she said to me.

My finger hovered over the delete button.  Mandy had worked so hard to build this for me. But it wasn't my image that she was promoting it was hers.

I took a deep breath in and pushed the button. I immediately put my phone down after i did that.

Alice put her arm around me. "I'm proud of you. Now you can really make a fresh start."

"I have no idea what to do with a fresh start."

"There are unless possibilities. For example you can change your name and move to Europa to marry some rich guy. After that you will kill him and move back here with all his money that you inherited."

I laughed at that. "Sounds like that a wonderful idea."

"Sorry to ruin the fun girls but Kate your parents have arrived. You're the only one who we are missing." Calum said as he entered the room.

I sighed. "I'm coming. I'll talk to you later."

I carefully stepped out of bed and walked to Calum. Walking felt absolutely terrible but i couldn't show that to him.

"Do you think that it is going to take long?" I asked Calum as we walked to his office.

"I don't know. It depends on how difficult Mandy and Jared are going to be."

Me, my mom and my adoptive parents all had to talk to Calum together. This was to discuss my treatment because i was now the one who had to make the decisions. But also to talk about the fact that my mom was now in my life.

"She's here." Calum said to everyone as i walked into the room.

I smiled to Mandy and her husband before i sat down next to my mom.

"I think the main reason that we are all here today is to dicuss Kate's treatment. During the last appointment she said that she thought about stopping the treatment once she turned eighteen."

My mom gave me a worried look when Calum said that. This was new knowledge to her.

"Do you want to stop treatment or continue?" Calum aksed me with a serious face.

I could feel the tension in the room but tried to ignore that.

"What will the treatment be like?" I asked.

"We will continue with chemotherapy and you will have to take a lot of medication to help with the side effects. But also to make sure that your body won't reject your donated cells."

Calum put the list infront of me of what i need to take and what I'm currently talking. The list was almost 2 pages long.

"And these will help?" I aksed as i read them.

"We can't say that with certainty but they will definitely make you feel better."

I thought about it before i finally gave my answer.

"I want to continue the treatment but i don't want to be resuscitated when my heart stops."

There fell a silence in the room. This was something that i hadn't discussed with anyone so it came as a complete surprise.

"I thinks that's reasonable." My mom said breaking the silence.

Calum nodded in agreement. "When that time comes it's better for you to let go. There is a limit that your body has. It's up to is to respect that."

We all glanced over to Mandy and Jared who didn't look too pleased with this statement.

I grabbed Mandy's hand and looked her in the eyes. "It's better this way. I won't be able to keep fighting."

She looked at me with tears in her eyes. "You're right. It's a fair decision."

"You will have to sign some papers and then that's settled." Calum said to me.

"That other thing that i wants to discuss was Christmas. Kate wants to spent it with her mother so she'll be away from the hospital for a few days."

"That's alright with me. She's eighteen so she can choose herself where she wants to be. As long as she's healthy enough of course." Mandy said.

Calum looked at me. "I'm going to be honest with you. On paper your health seems to worsen however you're not showing it. This could mean that you're truly healthy or that you're faking it."

"I'm not faking it. Why would i do such a thing." I immediately said to him.

"Alright, I'll give you permission to go with your mom for a week as long as you take your medication. And if you listen to your body so if you feel sick you let me know."

I nodded. "I will, thank you so much."

"This was all that i wanted to discuss unless someone has something to say." Calum said.

Everyone shook their head.

We all said goodbye to Calum before leaving his office.

"I need to talk to them for a second." I said to my mom.

She understood and said that she would wait for me in my room.

"Mandy wait up." I ran towards them and stopped them just in time.

"What is it?" She said a bit annoyed. It was like she was in a hurry to leave the hospital.

"I just wanted to thank you for everything that you've done for me. I could never repay you in any way. Without you i wouldn't have been here and the same to you Jared. I hope that we can still keep in touch."

Jared was the first to say something back. "You're a wonderful person Kate and i was honoured to see you grow up. I truly wish you the best with your mom and i hope that you can beat this illness. Of course we still keep in touch. I still love you very much."

I hugged him with tears in my eyes. "I love you too."

After that it was my mom's turn. "I don't really know what to say right now. I have a lot of mixed feelings about all this. But one thing won't change i love you very much."

Just like Jared she gave me a hug.

After that we said goodbye with the promise of talking soon.

I walked back to my room with a smile on my face. The goodbye of my adoptive parents went better than i thought it would be.

When i got to my room my mom was packing my bag. "What are doing?" I asked her confused.

"You're coming home with me today. You're staying a week with me. Unless you don't want to of course."

I walked towards her and hugged her. "I can't wait."