The Indie House

Chapter 12: First Despair

Art by me!

⚠️TRIGGER WARNING⚠️
(Self-harm in this chapter! Also please don't hurt me.)

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Kris was currently sitting in the living room, drawing like always. Everyone was out today, doing their own thing, while he was stuck at home. He didn't know what else to do, he just doodled away in his sketchbook.

'You know, you could be doing more exciting things right now if you weren't such loser'

A voice said in his head. Kris tried his best to ignore it, but he knew couldn't. He always been listening to himself and not in a positive way.

'Mae wanted to hang out with you today and you said no, she even had Sal and Fran with her and they wanted to actually meet you too, but NO, you just wanted to stay just because you didn't feel like it and look who's bored now.'

Kris' mind was rambling, but Kris excepted that it was true. He just thought about himself and not what others thought. He felt so selfish.

'But I mean' The voice continued 'you didn't deserve it anyways, I bet they're out having fun without you, they probably didn't even need you, you'll just ruin everything.'

Kris stopped drawing. His chest felt heavy and his throat started to tighten.

'And what are you going to do now? Cry? Your way to sensitive, just another reason why no one wants you around.' The voice said.

Kris had enough. He got up from his spot on the couch, leaving his things there as walked to the bathroom. He closed the door and locked it.

Once Kris was inside he began to sob quietly, tears started to flow down his face. He backs up against the door and slides down to the bathroom floor, hugging his knees.

This wasn't the first time this happened to Kris. If his thoughts got too bad, he would let his emotions out where no one would find him or where no one would see. And yet, after years of this, no one still knew about his problems. Guess he was really good at hiding it.

After a couple minutes, he slowly peeks his head out from his knees to look at his left arm, eyes still wet with tears. He unravels a bit of his sleeve to reveal a few old cuts he's made in the past. Though, they looked more like cat scratches since, at the time, he didn't want to go too deep. But he was also scared of people, or even worse, his family to find out.

Kris caressed the cuts, once again getting lost in his own thoughts.

'I can't do this again, I just can't' He tells himself.

The other part of his brain, however, thought otherwise.

'Of course you can! Didn't it release so much pain?' It asked.
Kris hesitated. '....I guess..'

'See? Why do you have to worry, no one will know either way."

'But...it's not right.."

'Listen, it won't matter, you're choices don't matter and they never did, so why should everyone else care, they don't care, no one cares. No one should care about you're problems, you're nothing but a burden to everyone, a creep and a weirdo. No one will except you, no one will care about you, no one will love you. You're alone and you will always be alone.'

More tears fell down Kris' face as more dark thoughts consumed him.

'Not to mention how many people you've hurt. The ones that did love you, the ones that cared, you hurt them. You hurt them all and you enjoyed it, didn't you?'

Kris sat there, shaken at the thought of all those old horrible memories.

'I-I didn't enjoy it! I didn't mean to hurt them!' His hands started to shake.

'Oh stop lying to yourself!' The voice protest.

'I'm not!!'

'Yes you are! You wanted to hurt them, you're disgusting, a freak, you belong no where, no one deserves you, no one will ever want you around!!'

Kris' cry and sobs became louder and more sadder. He hid his face in his knees, curling up into a ball, hands still shaking.

He couldn't think properly at this point, his mind and thoughts were everywhere and he didn't know what to do.

'So Kris..' the voice started saying.

'I think you know what to do now and I know you've made your choice long ago'

Kris slowly lifted his head from his knees. His head was pounding, though he didn't care. His breath was still heavy with his sobs stopping with the occasion of a few sniffles as more tears fell down his face.

No words came out of his mouth as he slowly got up and walked over to the cabinets. With empty eyes, Kris searched and searched until he found it. A fresh new razor.

He placed it on the floor and stomped on it with his shoe, breaking and opening it up, revealing the blade he wanted.

He got the blade and throw away the other broken pieces. Kris sat down by the tub and began rolling up his sleeve.

He positioned the blade to his wrist. He hesitated for a second before he started cutting his first cut.

Kris bit his lip to prevent from making much noise from the pain. The ones he had done so long ago reopened. Blood started forming in the cuts, showing how deep he went. But he didn't stop there. Kris continued cutting, reopening the old ones and making a few new ones.

Upon making his last cut, Kris quietly said to himself:

"You deserve this, you're a monster.."

As a single tear fell down his pale cheek.

Once he was done, he washed the blade and put it in his pocket. He then used some toilet paper to remove some of the blood from his arms, since Kris didn't bother to wash it away with water and flushed them down the toilet.

After all that, Kris walked out of the bathroom, not saying a word.

When he walked out, he noticed Cuphead was sitting on the living room couch, playing his video games. He was so focused that he didn't notice Kris had walked out of the bathroom.

Kris sat back down on the couch where his sketchbook and pencil was. He wasn't motivated to draw anymore, instead he just sat there with the sketchbook and pencil in his lap, holding his arms close to his body, staring blankly at the game Cuphead was playing.

After Cuphead's character died, he sighed angrily and finally looked over at Kris who was staring at the tv.

"Oh hey Kris!" Cuphead smiled and grabbed a second controller.

"Wanna play?" He asked gesturing the other controller he got.

'Pathetic' A voice echoed in a Kris' head.

"No, I-I'm good" Kris quietly said, not taking his eyes off the tv.

"You sure?" Cuphead suggested.

"Yeah.."

"Ok, suit yourself" Cuphead responded, putting the second controller back and finishing his game.

Kris however, made sure his hair covered his face to pervert anyone from seeing his watery eyes and his sleeve was down to cover his newly forever scars.

Yup! The angst has officially begun! Sorry that this chapter was short. The next one shouldn't be as bad as this one (hopefully, idk yet) Anyways, see you in the next chapter!