♡ Dark Paradise ♡ ; newtmas fanfic.

i n s e c u r e

"Chuck," I said, "are you okay with all of this?"
He nodded, the curls in his hair bouncing up and down. "Of course I am. I want you and Newt to be happy. It's just . . very surprising."
I glanced at Newt; he was smiling. Then I realized, so was I.
"So," started Winston, snickering, "you're both gay?"
"Yes . ." Newt nodded slowly.
"Yeah," said Alby loudly. The first word he's spoken for a long while. "And if you Shanks have a problem with it, you best leave, because we accept everyone here."
-
I don't know why I was so worried - everyone was fine with it. It's not like I would've been devistated if they didn't support Newt and I, but I would be a little sad how one secret could make all of my friends leave me.
Tonight, for supper, there was a big buffet by the lake. Alby and Chuck helped prepare everything.
"In celebration of you two," Alby told us, "very brave of you both, telling us about your relationship."
I could sense Newt smiling at me, but I pretended not to notice. "Thank you, Alby." I smiled. It was really nice of what they were doing for us, but I didn't want to make it that big of a deal.
Alby walked away, and Newt and I walked over by the lake while we waited for the food to finish cooking.
We settled down beside each other on the rocks surrounding the lake.
"Well, we did it, Tommy." Newt clapped his hands together, smiling. And this time I looked at him; taking in his beauty. His deep, brown eyes that I could get lost in, his structured face, his blushing cheeks. But mostly, I was just happy to see him smiling.
Since he told me about his suicide attempt, and how much he hated the glade, and I realized how broken he really was, I just wanted him to be put back together; I just wanted to see him wear a genuine smile.
"You're starring at me," he laughed, his cheeks blushing even more now.
"I'm sorry, it's just that you're so . . so beautiful." I blurt, feeling dumb. "I don't mean beautiful in a girly kind of way, I just mean that everything about you is pure beauty; your mind, your heart, your face. Everything."
"Tommy," he said, his eyes brimmed with tears, "that's not true. None of it."
"I never want to hear you say that, Newt." I say, grabbing his cold hands, and wrapping it up with my warm ones. "Every word of it is true. Why wouldn't you beileve me?"
"I know myself ," Newt breathes, "I know who I am, and I know how I look, and none of it is good . . Nothin' beautiful about it."
"Oh, that's klunk." I whisper into his ear, leaning close to him. "It might be hard to beileve, but you are perfect to me, Newt. You deserve the best, and I would do anything to give that to you."
Then Newt looked into my eyes, letting his tears fall, and he rested his head on my shoulder. "The whole time in the glade, I hated the place. I hated myself. I just wanted to go home . . and I didn't even know where home was." He laughed at himself, a bitter laugh. "Isn't that stupid?"
I shook my head, but remained quiet, letting him speak.
"I thought it was the only way out, suicide," Newt continued, "Oh, shuck, Tommy, when I hit the ground after jumping off of that maze wall, I hated myself even more. I can't do anything . . Not even shucking kill myself! I'm good for nothing, especially after Alby dragged me back in and I couldn't be a runner anymore. I just sat around, planting crops and waiting for Minho and Ben to come back."
I wrapped my arms around his thin framed body and hugged him closer to me. His tears were really coming down now, which almost made me tear up, too. But I knew I had to stay strong for him.
"I wish I could change your mind, Newt." I whisper to him. "You're the one person I can always count on, always talk to, and I think that's worth something. Never talk like that about yourself, it hurts me, too. To know I love you so much, and you hate yourself. I would climb to the top of the highest moutain or swim to the bottom of the deepest sea just to make you happy, and you need to understand how beautiful and amazing you are."
He sniffs, wiping away his tears with his shirt sleeve. I've never seen this side of Newt before, other than speaking to him during his dreadful time as a Crank.
"D-Did you just say that you loved me?" Newt asked. I could feel his grin pressed against my shoulder.
"Yes, I guess I did." I say, letting my fingers comb through his messy hair.
Then, Newt pulled me even closer to him, letting our lips meet. He tasted like salty tears, but that was okay.
His fingers roamed through my hair and down my back. "I love you, too." Newt mumbled, breathing heavily.
After a few moments, we pulled away to breath.
"Guess we better get going," Newt smirked, "don't want our supper gettin' cold."