Maybe one day? - Spencer Reid x Reader

Chapter 35.

Trigger warning - Mention of drinking emotionally, eating disorders and depression. Lots of love to everyone!

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The next morning was the hardest. Spencer had let you know he was home but there was no I love you before bed, there was no morning texts. There was no random facts or things of interest from Spencer. It was radio silence. You had taken the wine upstairs and listened to sad music while getting drunk by yourself, you can considered ringing him but you didn't want him to see the state you were in. You didn't do that anymore. You had to cope alone.

So that's what you did. You drank, you watched tv and eventually you fell asleep looking at the photo of you and Spencer at the museum holding the moon rock. How could that happy couple turn into this? The next morning you wake up with a raging hang over. You decide to go to the Starbucks drive thru and order a coffee and some food for yourself, in the hopes it'll help the hang over & make you feel better.. You feel empty, lost and in the space of two hours you've cried already.

Your phone starts to ring and your heart skips a beat, what if it's Spencer? What if he's changed his mind? You look at your phone and see it's not him.

You don't pick up. As you drive home you wonder that hopefully Emily would think that you're still asleep. You didn't want to worry her and then her to mention it at work. She leaves a voicemail which you listen too. You can hear the concern already in her voice.

"Y/N? Are you okay, let me know! Just wanting to check up on you. Have a good day." Her voice is careful but happy. 

Good day my ass. You think to yourself as you put your phone down on the coffee table and boot up your laptop. For some reason you started job searching and then you scolded yourself, no man was going to make you feel like you had to leave your job. He hadn't even said it, you just felt like you needed to be away from him.

Your headache is dying down but the tears come and come until at one point you're under your duvet sobbing until you fall asleep. You wake up at 2pm with your phone ringing, you had dreamt the ringing and thought it was just in your dream. You pick up without checking.

"Hello?" You say with a groggy voice.

"Were you just asleep?" You hear Garcia's voice on the other side. Her voice is chirpy and cool like always.

"I was, is something wrong?" You ask lazily as you sit up in your bed, you reach over and grab your glasses and move your hair out of your face.

"Emily and Reid were worried because you didn't pick up earlier. I'll let them know you were just sleeping. Do you need anything?" You narrow your eyes as Garcia speaks, you didn't like the idea that Spencer was telling people he was worried. Surely he knew you were avoiding people because of what had happened?

"No I'm okay. I'm going to get some shopping done." You mutter while climbing out of bed.

"Okay, ring us if you need anything. Love you and miss you." Garcia says before you hang up the phone, you sigh while looking at your reflection, you looked less like a mess then you did before so that was good. You decide to jump in the shower but when you're under the water the sadness hits you like another bomb, it hits you hard in the chest until you're crouching in the shower sobbing until your head pounds again. You get out after messily washing your hair and body and stumble into bed, the hangover is still making you struggle and the headache from the crying hurts.

You decide enough is enough, you go downstairs and knock back some painkillers, making sure to hydrate as much as you can. You make yourself a smoothie bowl and decide that it's a new start. If he didn't want you then fuck him, you didn't want him. But a voice at the back of your head tells you that it isn't true, you wanted him, no you needed him. You decide to ring Mira, you need someone who was neutral to speak too.