Maybe one day? - Spencer Reid x Reader

Chapter 41.

You swallow the alcohol down and it's both ice cold but burns at the same time. Your phone pings again and then around 30 seconds later so you put it on silent and ignore it.

You're only in the hotel pub, kinda risky as you didn't want anyone to see but you figured to the average person you're just another depressed looking woman. You hear steps behind you and you start to get angry again.

"Leave me alone Reid." You say after drinking the rest of your white wine. You place the glass down and the bartender picks it up, signalling he'll make you another.

"How did you know?"

"You seem to forget that I know you. All of you." You whisper.

"Come upstairs and we'll talk Y/N." Spencer's voice pleads behind you. All of the front you had put on slips away though and all that's left is a harsh version of yourself, just waiting to push everyone away.

"Why? So you can fuck me and call it a mistake?"

"What? No."

"That's what you did the other day. Good old Dr Reid, the boy genius. The man everyone believes is so innocent and wouldn't treat anyone like shit eh?" The bartender passes you another large glass and you drink half of it in one go.

"Please don't do this."

"Do what? Be honest. You dumped me, and no I don't mean in regards to our relationship. You dumped me after fucking me like I was nothing, like I was something to use and dispose of. You did that."

"I didn't." Spencer's voice is almost confused, he walks closer to you and sits down next to you but you don't look at him despite the fact that all you want to do is look at that face.

"Oh for fucks sake Reid. You acted like things were going to be okay, you fucked me, you fucking held me and then the next morning you had the nerve to tell me it was a mistake. God, like a one night stand that you regret." You knock back the rest of your wine and stand up off of your chair while talking one last look at Spencer. "I'm going back to my room. There's nothing for you to say to me at all."

"We can't be like this. Y/N, I love you." He's pleading with you but you just scoff.

"No you just loved the idea of me." You walk out of the hotel bar and back up the stairs until you hit your hotel room, it's 2am and you just can't cope anymore so you strip off your clothes, put on a big t shirt and you lie in bed looking back at photos of you and Spencer until the tears run dry and the clock reads 4am, you found it easy to put on a front but only for a little while. After that the resolve slipped away and you become the very thing you wanted to bury, a weak fragile woman who felt like she had no place in the world. It was full of disappointments. Every damn day it was like you tried so hard but things came and pushed you back almost all the way.

The next morning you pretty much stay silent, you blame it on tiredness but you know Emily knows it's more than that. The way she puts a coffee on the table when you're on the jet tells you that. When you head back to the BAU decide to stay silent still, you work quietly and efficiently until you're all done and then you move on to the next thing. Somehow people catch on and you know that they know it isn't tiredness, the pity in their eyes tells you so.

"Why don't we go for a meal?" You hear JJ say in the back. God you really didn't want to go out, you didn't want to do anything really.

"When you thinking?" You hear Morgan reply. They're only a desk away but you couldn't feel as alone as you do right now.

"Today or tomorrow?"

"That's ace, hey hey Prentiss do you want to join?"

"Yeah I will do. Hey Y/N do you want to come out with us? We can have a laugh and relax." Prentiss turns to her and asks, a smile on her face with her wife eyes gave you some comfort.