Maybe one day? - Spencer Reid x Reader

Chapter 30.

Spencer's POV.

"Yes, we're agents Prentiss and Reid with the FBI." Emily sighs as she repeats it for what seems like the 10th time. I stare at the nurse in front of me, I know they were over worked and at times trying to do so many jobs at once but I needed to know where she was.

"I'm sorry but only one person allowed. There is currently an agent Aaron-"

"Yes Aaron Hotchner, come on please? Listen she almost died. I just want to know if she's okay." Emily pleads with the nurse but it gets us nowhere, she just shakes her head, mumbles and apology and looks back down at her computer. "Right, she's in there because she put herself in the firing line of someone who was holding ten people hostage. I want to know if she's okay right now or I'll just ring the director of the FBI and get her to tell you instead!" Emily shouts in a whisper and to be honest it's scary.

"Okay, okay. She's currently in theatre but she will be placed in room 5, down the corridor. It's a private room." The nurse finishes her sentence and sadly smiles. "That's all I know." I nod at her and Emily mumbles both a thank you and a sorry.

It's scary to walk down the corridor, we don't know what's going to be the outcome and it scares me. As we walk down to the room I hear someone shout us, turning around I can see JJ, Morgan and Rossi walk towards us in a fast pace.

"Have you heard anything?" JJ asks as she catches up. They're out of breath slightly.

"No, she's in theatre. Hotch is still with her." I say with my arms crossed, the waiting was killing me.

"I'm going to get coffee, everyone want one?" Rossi asks while looking around at us. Everyone nods and we all stand around. "Go and sit down guys, we're all tired. We'll hear something soon I'm sure." I sigh and walk to a chair and sit down, I don't know if it's just me but I feel like everyone is looking at me weirdly. I frown to myself. It's probably just me being paranoid.

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Roughly 45 minutes later my coffee is almost finished but my leg doesn't stop shaking. For the first time in a very long time, I have nothing to say. Facts wouldn't comfort anyone right now, I know that. Everyone seems to be in similar spirits, Morgan walks over and the others are talking quietly amongst themselves.

"Hey Reid, want another?" He asks, he sits down next to me on the chair and leans down slightly to look at me. I shake my head no and go back to looking at the skin on my fingers, as if it was so interesting. "You okay?"

"Not really." My tone is hushed.

"She's going to be okay, it's going to be okay." Morgan says while looking at me, his hands are clasped together. "You seem really torn up about it Spenc-"

"It was my fault, I went first. I should have never have left her." The guilt is eating me up and I know they're just trying to make me feel better but it doesn't work, it only reminds me that it's my fault.

"But Reid, if you had done that she'd be right here saying the exact same thing. You know that." He shakes his head as he speaks.

"But she would be safe."

"Is there something going on here?" Morgan asks, his tone seems like he's trying to accuse me of something.

"Am I not allowed to care? Is it bad for me to have some empathy Morgan? Should I just be cold and act like this isn't bothering me?" My anger is rising and I stand up from the chair.

"No Reid I didn't mean it like that." Morgan shouts after me as I walk away to the vending machine again.

"It's my fault Morgan and nothing anyone says will change that. I know everyone else thinks it too, I was meant to have her back, meant to keep her safe like she did for me." I grab my coffee and pick it up and then to Morgan who has reaches out his hand and rubs my arm. "I just need to know that she's okay that she's fucking alive at least."