Black suits

Chapter 16 ❁ Breakthrough

Song of the chapter: Exile- Taylor Swift

O N E   W E E K    L A T E R

Christmas has never been my favorite time of the year. I've never craved what most kids think of all year round. The presents, the tree, the lights. It's all too much. At least it seems that way for someone who never had it.

Draco and I were not on speaking terms although he tried, endlessly and in vain, to apologize. I tried not to care but it was getting harder with every passing moment. He seemed so sincere but no matter how many times he apologized there was nothing he could do to get out of the agreement with the Dark Lord that put Dumbledore's life at stake. 

I took a deep breath and bowed my head over the musty book I had in front of me. Pride and Prejudice. 

Draco had left my copy of the book at my dormitories door three days ago and I'd only just begun to try and read it again. Every time I had tried before I found that I couldn't stop imagining Draco's face instead of the made up, brown haired face of Mr. Darcy. I missed him more than was healthy.

Finally I slammed the book shut, it was too much to try and read something that reminded me of the one thing I wished I could forget.

My mind would take me back to that night on the grass. We had run for hours and picked roses, kissed and cuddled up on the edge of the Black Lake. It was a perfectly Disney night that ended in a perfectly terrible way.

I sighed and went to the closest bookshelf in the library which happened to be on potions. I didn't feel like filling my mind with facts either so I continued out of the library and into the corridor. I regretted it the moment I laid eyes on the thin boy who'd occupied my thoughts.

My face became very hot and I turned around to walk the opposite direction, praying he hadn't noticed anything.

"Angel!" he called. His voice was pleading. I couldn't help but turn back and look at him. That was my downfall.

"Draco," I muttered in greeting.

"Can we talk? Please?"

"About what Draco?" I whispered angrily. "What is there to talk about?"

He grabbed my wrist and pulled me into the girls bathroom. A few Hufflepuff girls scampered out as he banged inside and gave me mischievous looks as if they thought what was happening was more PG-13 then G.

My heart was beating so fast I thought it might burst. Would he hurt me? I doubted it but I had been cold towards him. Maybe he would?

Draco's eyes widened and he quickly let go of my wrist. 

"I- I didn't mean to- I wouldn't- I mean I won't hurt you," he stuttered.

I glared at him through my eyelashes. 

"Angel please don't be afraid of me," he whispered. His hands were burning hot on the skin of my arm. I wished he would move it but at the same time I didn't want to tell him to take it away.

"I'm not afraid of you Draco. I'm afraid of him," I growled the last word.

"Of course you are! It's only natural! I- I am too," his voice was so pleading, so hurt, I wanted to give into him.

"Well- great. Great to know we're afraid of the same things huh?" I said, trying to sort out the mess my emotions had made.

"Will you ever forgive me Angel?"

I gazed up at him then. There was a certain fear in his eyes I hadn't seen before. It wasn't fear of The Dark Lord. It wasn't the fear he got when we talked of his father. It wasn't the fear I saw when we discussed avalanches, a muggle problem but one that I'd realized he was terrified of. It was a new fear.

I un-scrunched my eyebrows as I realized what it was.

The fear of loosing me.

"I won't do it Draco," I whispered.

There was a big change in his face. His terror turned to sadness, his anger to pain and his apologies to desperate pleads.

There was nothing keeping me in the bathroom anymore except my own frayed nerves and mussed emotions.

I turn and fled, hoping he would think to do the same before an unsuspecting teachers-pet walked in and snitched on him.

My mind was a mess but I wouldn't cry. Saying this wasn't a command, more a realization. I didn't feel the need to cry because my whole entire body felt numb.

There were places in my mind I could go to calm down, although the adrenaline rush made me feel more alive than I had in a while.

A million inconsequential thoughts rushed through my head.

The Black Lake had ice on the very edges, maybe soon it'd be frozen completely and solid enough that we could ice-skate.

There were four new editions of the latest potions book in the library which I'd been wanting to read since I'd seen the ad in the newspaper.

There was a house elf in the kitchens who loved making hot chocolate for me almost as much as I loved drinking it.

Christmas was coming, whether I liked the holiday or not I still loved the season that comes with it.

Finally I smiled, Draco Malfoy couldn't control me and he was most certainly not allowed to kill my good moods.

The hold he had on me had finally broken it seems.

It was all I could do not to skip, laughing down the halls. There were most definitely little scars on my bruised heart that stung every so often but they were healing. Our time together had not been long enough for me to fall apart when he chose a path I wouldn't- couldn't follow him down.

There was a certain extra buzz in the Great Hall that day. With Katie Bell back everyone's eyes was on Draco. I almost hated Harry for making it a public affair but I knew he was right to have called Draco out.

I caught the silver-haired boy's eyes across the hall and noticed they were swimming in tears that hadn't fallen yet.

~D R A C O ' S P O V~

She definitely saw me crying. There was no way she hadn't with how perceptive she always was.

I turned my face away from her and wiped under my eyes quickly. I really fucked up this time.

I wanted nothing more than to be wrapped in her arms on the beach of the Black Lake again but she wouldn't take me if I begged. Angel was much too good for someone like me anyway. I should be glad she was moving on, she was safer that way.

If my father hadn't bullied me into the stupid, fucking position in the Dark Lord's followers I'd be with her right now. Maybe she'd have her arm around my waist while I threw mine over her shoulders. She'd kiss me in front of all her friends and they'd laugh in that fucking annoying way girls do sometimes, using their fingers to throw hair out of their faces. The funny thing is that I wouldn't even mind.

I shook my head as if all my thoughts would fall out of it. No luck.

It suddenly occurred to me that I was being extremely dramatic. I'd known this girl for six years, yes, but only really noticed her for the part few months. She was not the love of my life I could be sure of that at least.

And yet, when I thought back to the Christmas present for her that was sitting in my room, wrapped with utter perfection and care, I got a pinching feeling in my chest. I wanted so badly to see her face light up when she opened it.

I caught her eye once more and she immediately turned away. 

Ouch.

Nice of her. Really wonderful to see how big she was being about all of this. 

I reminded myself, once again that she was right to stay away from me and moved on my way.

I'd be gone from Hogwarts soon enough anyway.