hell or flying | Chaelisa

Chapter 24

"I never meant to make you cry," was the first thing I heard upon opening the door, and before I even got the chance to look in my visitor's face, I felt their palms on my face, pulling me closer and bringing our lips together.

And the second I felt the contact, tears sprung into my eyes because it was you, and you came back.

Your lips felt softer somehow, yet the way they sought mine was desperate. It was like you were trying to cling to whatever you could while wanting to savor it all the same. Like you were screaming at me to listen, yet at the same time, convening your earnest regret through soft-spoken words.

You didn't need to worry though because I listened to both. To the way, your heart called out for me in despair and pain, and the way you held mine in your palms so gently, as if it was the most precious thing to you. That's why the last thing I saw before my eyes fluttered close and brushed against your long eyelashes softly, was your face etched in pain. One that I recognized all too well. Because I felt it too.

So when my eyes finally fell close, I looked for your waist. I needed the support that my legs refused to give as butterflies swarmed my stomach. I needed it so I could feel you under my fingertips, just like you held my face in your hands so delicately.

This time you came like a storm - powerful and unannounced, and despite having an umbrella right at my side, I decided I'd rather get soaked in the rain, instead. It brought me comfort, the way you washed over me like a summer shower, cooling my body on a warm day. It made me feel nostalgic, as I recalled all the memories when you've done so before. And I held on just a little tighter.

You weren't hungry or impatient. Instead, you took your time tasting me gently, nudging my nose slightly with your own. And when the few stray tears began nearing the impenetrable passage, the locking of our lips created, your thumb softly swiped against my cheek, catching the droplet in its course.

"I'm sorry," you mumbled dejectedly, pulling me even closer until there was no space left between us.

I gripped at your jacket, bunching it up in my fists, forcing your body flush against mine, wanting to feel its warmth the same way I did when we laid in bed together and you told me all about your favorite stars. It was an unexplainable need to feel you; to feel your chest rise and your heartbeat against my own. To make sure you were real, and you were here, and this time you weren't pushing me away anymore, but pulling me closer.

And with your lips on mine, I felt like I was reaching for the stars. I could feel them on the tip of my fingers as our lips brushed against each other tenderly. Among all the kisses we shared, I was sure none of them felt like this. So soft and delicate, lifting me up just enough so I could reach out for bright stars in the night sky, and take them in my hands so I could show you.

Like you knew what calmed me down at night when your arms were replaced by someone else's and wanted to give me one I could call my own. One I could look at whenever things got hard and desperately needed to smile. A constant reminder that somehow we would find a way to each other again, and I would be safe in your arms once again as your lips would brush against my temple every time I closed my eyes.

With just that one kiss, you made me feel infinite.

Slowly, we pulled away, disconnecting our lips, but it was clear neither of us wanted to. Not wanting to break our closeness too, I leaned my forehead against hers, but not daring to open my eyes. Truth was, I feared what I'd see.

If there would be regret washing over her right now. I didn't want to see her running again and turn her back to me. I didn't want to beg her to stay again while she left anyway, because she couldn't trust me. My heart wouldn't be able to handle it, not again. I swore that the last time would, in fact, be the last time.