hell or flying | Chaelisa

Chapter 26

Not long after chasing each other up and down the pond for a couple of minutes, both of us stopped, short of breath, smiling stupidly, and got out of the water. As soon as I stepped out into the air of the day, my whole body shivered as the wind nipped at my wet skin.

Only when I lied down on the heated rock, sunlight shining directly onto my body, with Lisa's body heat next to me, did my body stop shaking. I let out a soft contented sigh and closed my eyes, absorbing the last summer rays of the sun before it would be replaced by light slanting through the trees in a way it did only in the cold months.

I couldn't tell you how long we've spent in silence, just drinking up the atmosphere and calm of the forest. Neither of us needed to speak, our intertwined fingers and simple brushes of skin doing it for us. The only thing either of us focused on was the rustling of the leaves, the tweeting of the birds, occasional croaks from a frog nearby, and each other's breaths mingling with the sound of the wind.

And as I was granted time alone with my thoughts, I realized something that slipped my mind before, even though it was anything but insignificant. I might not have been nude, but most of my body was exposed. All my scars and my bruises were on show, and it didn't cross my mind to cover them until now.

A nasty scar on the right side of my stomach, when Chanyeol pushed me and I fell against a glass table in our living room. A smaller scar on my shoulder from when I angered him while he was holding a paper knife and he threw it across the room, grazing my flesh as I attempted to dodge. And another one from when he burned his cigar on the top of my thigh. Not to mention the countless purple, dark grey, and brown bruises scatter all around my body. My stomach, my arms, my thighs, anywhere he could reach.

Suddenly, the calm was gone. Just like every time I allowed myself to relax and put down my defenses. Every time I was alone with my thoughts, flashes of the past intruded my mind unwelcome, scaring me all over again, making me relive the painful memories. Whether they were of Lisa, or something else.

I no longer felt safe and carefree like I did just moments ago. The lack of clothing and defenses suddenly bothered me as I felt vulnerable, completely unguarded, and exposed.

My breathing pattern turned shallow as I struggled to draw in a breath that would suffice my lungs that didn't seem to get enough. I felt my body begin to shake like when I left the water, but this time it wasn't accompanied by goosebumps signaling I was merely cold. Panic started rising within and I moved my hand to cover the scar on my middle.

As soon as I detected movement, I snapped my head to look in the left, only to see Lisa propped up on her elbow, looking down at me with concern in her eyes. Her soft gaze served as firm ground under my feet that helped me realize I didn't have to fall down a dark hole full of worry, self-loathing, and insecurity.

The panic in my chest subsided a little as I stared into her eyes, and I noticed I had a death grip on her hand that hasn't left mine since she helped me out of the water. I was sure I must've cracked a bone or two, but the raven didn't look bothered by it in the slightest.

Quickly averting my eyes, I tried to free my hand from her hold, wanting to cover my body up and shield the scars and bruises from her observant eyes. Though I knew it was pointless; she already saw everything. I was just stupid enough not to realize it sooner and subconsciously let her. I couldn't face her, couldn't look into her eyes when I looked this repulsive; this hideous. I didn't want her to see me like this.

Her hold on my hand tightened as I tried to slip it out, and with that, the knots in my stomach tightened as well. I was sure disgust made its way up to her face as she was looking at my damaged body. No one wanted to eat the beaten apple among the rest. Everyone threw away the brown apple with mushy spots that began to rot. That's what I was. Damaged goods no one would even want to look at.