hell or flying | Chaelisa

Chapter 20

Pacing around the room did nothing to elevate my nerves. The second I saw the little "sent" sitting underneath the message bubble, I was steadily growing anxious. Just like every other time I've done something like this, it didn't truly register in my head until I completed the somewhat impulsive, and definitely not carefully thought through, task.

Texting her like that, what was I thinking? I knew Jisoo was right, that one last try wouldn't hurt, but what if it did? I mean, how would I feel if someone I desperately wanted out of my life kept coming to me, kept finding ways how to get closer to me. I'd probably get a restricting order. It was creepy and not to mention completely invasive.

But after what happened last time, I was sure that a part of her didn't hate it as much as she tried to pretend. I mean, she couldn't have, right? Not after she let me do... that. Not when she kissed me first.

Which brought me to another point, not lessening the anxiety one bit. Lisa kissed me. She was drinking, but she kissed me. She wasn't wasted, that much was clear. And she seemed in control of her actions, or at least I thought she was.

But what if she wasn't? Would that mean I took advantage of her? What if she didn't even remember what happened between us and was completely confused why I would text? Well, more than she would be, anyway.

She wasn't drunk though; I kept telling myself she couldn't be. Even though I never saw a drunk Lisa, what I witnessed the other night was not drunk behavior. And from what Jisoo told me, drunk Lisa acted much differently than the Lisa I encountered three days ago. But why would she kiss me then? She hated my guts, so why would she do that?

None of the things that happened made sense to me. The doubts and the questions I wasn't even sure whether I wanted answers to. But most of all, the realization it brought.

I, a married and not to mention a pregnant woman, had sex with someone else. Even if I hated Chanyeol with my whole being, not once has the thought of cheating on him crossed my mind. It was just, immoral. And the fact I was also expecting his child was all so messed up to me.

And as much as I tried to tell myself she was the one who started it, that she was the one to kiss me first, I was the one to kiss her back. I was the one to touch her and to drop to my knees to... No matter who made the first move; I did that. Despite everything, I did that.

None of it made sense. It's like the thoughts in my head were puzzle pieces that I just could not put together because despite all of them looking the same, there was just one that fit the picture.

Lisa, the woman who was supposed to hate my guts (and clearly did), kissed me. No matter how many times I've said that in my mind, it just felt so surreal. There was no way that it was real, it was like a dream. A very vivid dream that I couldn't get out of my mind no matter how hard I tried.

I couldn't get the taste of her out of my mouth. I couldn't get her scent, mixed faintly with the smell of alcohol, out of my system. Because even though I wasn't near her for over seventy-two hours, I could still smell her scent as if she was present. I couldn't get the feeling of her smooth skin from underneath my fingertips as every breathing moment I wasn't doing my hardest to focus on anything else, I could feel her.

The sounds of her moans and whimpers were always present in my ears and my mind, replaying repeatedly, driving me crazy. I had to admit; it was, by far, the sexiest and most arousing sound I have ever heard. It always has been. And now, hearing it again, it was hard not to think about it. Consciously or not.

If before she was all I could think about, then I wasn't sure what this was. One thing I knew, though, was that even though I tried not to, she was all I was thinking about the past three days.