hell or flying | Chaelisa

Epilogue

"Whoa..."

"I second that,"

"So you mean to tell me you were actually cool all this time?"

"What do you mean 'all this time'"? Lisa gasped in faux offense, palm resting against her chest, "I've always been cool. I mean I don't know about that one over there," she lowered her voice and pointed at me over her shoulder and though she made it seem like she didn't want me to hear, I could see that teasing smirk grazing her lips, knowing full well I heard.

"Why haven't you told us sooner? Not to downplay it, but this is like a plot from a movie or something,"

"You were too young to know. Besides, we've only been able to move past all that recently. It would've been too hard to talk about before, especially for your mom,"

"Is she okay now, though?" Jace asked, and the concern in his voice made me smile.

"Is that why you'd go to see that lady downtown?" Kayla voiced her own question. I told Lisa that we would not tell our youngest about our troubling past once they'd ask, but it seemed unfair that Jace and Felix would know while our little girl stayed in the dark. She deserved to know who her mums were just as much, so we only left out a few details or would cover her ears when we'd get to the part of our story that wasn't inappropriate for a girl her age.

Jace, our oldest, was the one to ask us about it. Whenever he or his brother would discover something they'd consider suspicious about our way of life or see Lisa's scar, they would bring it up. And though I was reluctant to tell them, wanting to put our past behind us, after talking with Lisa about it, she made me realize that as a family we should have any secrets. They deserved to know who we were and how we got here.

It took a bit of persuasion and a lot of time for me to be able to move past it. It hasn't been easy for my wife either, but we both knew I had a bit of a harder time coping with everything. The topic of what used to be was never easy for me and I avoided it at all costs, even slipped into a state of denial shortly after the incident when Lisa got shot almost twenty-four years ago.

But with the help of a therapist and Lisa's undying support, I was much better than I once used to be. I still suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder, some things triggering it more than others, which resulted in our kids noticing the change more often than I would have liked, but I was doing much better than when I started. It was only last year though that I was okay with talking about it and that's when Lisa and I decided it was time not to hold on to our secret anymore.

That's why, after spending the majority of the day by the beach where Lisa's been once again asked about the scar on her chest, we figured it was the right time. It was just after lunch when we started and though we've taken only a few breaks to recuperate after an especially painful memory; the sky had gone dark; the sun got replaced by the moon and his loyal allies, twinkling in the velvet blanket of darkness.

Lisa told her story, and I told mine. We would add things for the other in case we'd forget an important detail, but for the most part, we would stay silent, offering our silent support. Because no matter how much time has passed, it never became easy to relive a past like ours.

I'd sit on Lisa's lap as she'd talk about her enormous crush on me back then, as she'd recall her struggles with sexuality and finding herself, as she would regret the choices she had made before everything fell into place for the first time. My fingers would play with her hair, scratch her scalp, press my lips into the crook of her neck, and offer the warmth of my body heat that she clung onto as she spoke.

And when it was my turn, she'd do the same. Of course, I wasn't able to talk about everything. Some parts were still more painful than others, and just thinking about them made me sick, but for the most part, I stayed strong. I probably wouldn't have, hasn't it been for Lisa's arms encircling my body as I laid in her arms, back resting against her front, gentle kisses dispersed against the side of my head. God, I loved that woman. I always have and I knew that was something that would never change.