hell or flying | Chaelisa

Chapter 18

"It's you," she stated in one breath as her eyes locked on mine.

"Yeah," I confirmed quietly, not finding any other words when I looked at her.

She didn't seem to have any either because she just stared at me as if I was a mirage. Clearly, she was stunned into silence by my sudden appearance and she must've been so shocked that even after realizing it was me; the door remained open.

Her beautiful brown eyes were widened, and she didn't even blink. Instead, she watched me intently as I attempted to compose myself and carefully walk back up the stairs, scared to startle her as if she was a scared doe I ran into in a forest. The whole situation made me feel like if I did one sudden move or made too much noise, she would run away. And I couldn't have that; I needed to get close to her.

It was unnerving because she watched me so closely as if she was just waiting for a window to flee. But she didn't. Even as I climbed back up the steps and took a few careful ones towards her, she stayed in place. I only stalled when she opened her mouth and stuttered out a simple question, "W-what are you doing here?"

And if I was any further than six feet, I wouldn't hear her utter those words. She was so quiet and timid, such a drastic contrast to how I've seen her before that for a moment I considered whether she was actually scared. And if so, of what?

"I had to see you," I conceded just as quietly and took another small step forward. I took it as a good sign when, despite her head snapping to my feet as I moved closer, she didn't back away.

"Why?" her eyes snapped back up to mine and I gasped silently when I saw them.

They looked so vulnerable, like a deer caught in the headlights. Big and doe, not without emotion like I was used to. And even in the faint light of the hallway, I thought I saw them sparkle as she looked up at me. It's like the first time since we've seen each other again, I saw something other than anger, indifference, or maybe worst of all, emptiness. It's like she truly saw me for the first time.

And though I couldn't see what was going on behind those beautiful orbs, I found myself to be short of breath, and words, as I stared instead. She was so beautiful, my heart ached. I didn't need to be told to know these were the eyes of a hurt person, that she was in pain as she looked at me. In the pain, I inflicted and continued causing every time I came to her.

I was so selfish. I kept on hurting her repeatedly, and now I might have gone too far. But at the same time, this was the most I've got out of her yet, the calmest conversation we ever had. And we stood in each other's presence without her eyes burning in anger as she'd seethe words at me. I took that as a good sign.

"Because I-"

But just as I was admiring her and appreciating how calm the atmosphere was, the browns of her irises set ablaze, turning them into fiery orange. Her brows furrowed into a glare and her lips down-turned as she opened her mouth and cut me off. The little window she granted was closed, and back was the Lisa I grew accustomed to.

"Why the fuck can't you leave me alone?!"

"Lisa, please-" I begged, getting scared as her voice raised and took a cautious step away from her.

"Stop coming back!" she yelled before I got the chance to finish, and I flinched at the tone of her voice.

"I-I'm sorry..." I faltered and averted my eyes to the ground, unable to look at her livid face.

"Oh, so you're sorry?" she chuckled humourlessly, "Thanks for letting me know," she scoffed as if I completely appalled her and I wasn't strong enough to look at her. I felt ashamed because it was clear what she thought from the way she said it, and she was right. There was nothing I could do.