hell or flying | Chaelisa

Chapter 5

I know I said I wouldn't put trigger warnings at the start anymore, but non-consensual sexual content will appear here!!! I kept it brief, but you'll know it happened. I'm not using it as an aesthetic or anything of that sort. This is a serious issue, and it's not to be taken lightly. If you don't feel comfortable reading it, or if it's triggering for you, I BEG YOU, SKIP IT!!!

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My breath hitched in my throat and I felt as if my eyes were about to fall out of their sockets as I continued staring ahead. My heart rate increased, I felt myself sweating, and everything else seemed to disappear.

I couldn't hear Chanyeol's voice as he spoke. I couldn't care less about the camera flashes or the looks of adoration coming from the guests. Hell, everyone in the room could be swallowed by the ground beneath their feet, and I doubted I would notice.

Because as soon as my eyes met the familiar brown orbs I've grown to love more than I could ever hope to love anything else, everything else ceased to exist. The ones I've been longing to see the most, and for which subconsciously looking for wherever I went to, were right there. At that moment, it was just me and you, even in the crowded room. It was you I could see, and everyone else became a blur.

It all came rushing back, all the memories I tried so hard to bury, they all came crashing down, suffocating me the second your gaze focused on mine and I no longer saw the girl who I loved with my whole heart looking back at me.

But one thing hasn't changed. Just how every time our eyes would connect, it would bring me into a world that was no longer reality. It brought me somewhere else, where time and space no longer existed, and everything was still. It was a different universe where no one existed but you and me. Where there were just the two of us surrounded by silence, only interrupted by the beating of our hearts. Because though I couldn't hear it, I felt as if I did. As if you were right here, your breath hitting my face as you were dumbstruck, yet your expression didn't let it on. It was almost as if you expected to see me, that it didn't even phase you.

I knew for a fact that was it not for the time I've spent with you during our last year of college, I would in fact not recognize you at all. Nothing about you seemed to be the same, even your face was different, colder. You were no longer the human version of sunshine, rather than one of the poles.

And then you turned around, not sparing anyone a glance, and all I could see was your hair flowing behind you as it was your turn to walk away this time.

I wanted to run, to scream, and to shout, anything. It hurts seeing you go as if I didn't matter, as if you didn't even know me. Because in just those few seconds I was granted a view at your face, I felt it all, all over again. All those feelings you ignited in me, creating a bonfire that only grew with each smile and word spoken, came rushing back. But this time, it didn't start with a simple spark, setting a few logs on fire, cracking in the quiet night. No, this time the fire grew into the raging one that was left inside me the day I left you. I had no chance to recuperate, to get used to the sensation I was sure I would never feel again. And yet, you looked as if you didn't even notice I was there.

However, it would be unfair of me to hold it against you. How could you care, after everything I've put you through? Why should you show any emotion other than hatred when you noticed I was standing tall in front of you, "happy" with my life as if I haven't ruined yours? And yet, I didn't see any hatred in your eyes. But that was exactly the thing that scared me most; I saw nothing in your gaze. And for a reason, that was even worse. Because if you hated me, if I was burning under your glare, I would at least know you acknowledged me. But you didn't, and I knew I no longer meant anything to you.