Her Beautiful Innocence

14 | 𝔏𝔢𝔱𝔱𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔏𝔬𝔬𝔰𝔢

Sophia's POV

First off, I didn't know how to start. I scanned the crowd for some help. Everyone was dancing wildly—friends jumping up and down, arms in the air—others more in a physical kind of way—bodies grinding against each other, hands on their partners. And then there are people who're just talking animatedly, holding drinks in their hands.

I made eye contact with Liv, she saw in which position I was bringing myself, so she mouthed to me 'just dance' and something like 'feel the beat'. I nodded at her tensely and looked at the boy in front of me. He seemed pretty drunk and hopefully wasn't going to remember this in the morning, and if he would, we'd, with any luck, never cross paths again.

I started putting my weight on my left foot slightly, then my right—shuffling a bit on the rhythm of the music. It was a mix between the Pop and 'Sensual' genres. The kind of music that makes you want to strip in slow-motion or move your body in a specific way in your own bedroom at night. How innocent I might seem; I think everyone has felt like this before at least once.

One of the many reasons why I like this music is because it makes me feel myself, I feel...powerful? 
I closed my eyes, trying to make the people in this house disappear. I imagined that I was all alone in my room. It was dark, the lights off and curtains shut—nobody could see me.

I started humming along the lines of the song and begun drawing the tips of my fingers up my body. My pace was unhurriedly as I was still trying to clear my mind. Ignoring my apprehensive and overthinking thoughts as hard as I could. No one's watching you, Sophia. No one will remember this night. It's a party, you dance, just like everyone else. You are no different. You won't stand out.

I put my hands in my hair and moved my hips to the tempo. I got this, I told myself repeatedly. I opened my eyes and met the boy's eyes in front of me. They were staring back at me, my body, and for some purpose, I felt good. Good about myself.

He took a step closer and I let him. I felt his warmth radiate off of him. He was taller than me, not a lot though. I turned around, my back tenderly grazing against his chest. I added some power to the movements of my hips, they were now against his front. I've never touched a boy there before, ever. I haven't even kissed a boy, and now I'm pressing myself against some stranger at a party my parents don't know I'm at.

But I'm doing it. I'm finally doing what everybody tells me to do: letting loose.

His hands found my waist and rested them there, while I leaned my head back and put it on his shoulder. We went together like one person, one slanting against another. Never have I ever been this intimate with a person before. The alcohol really did some things to my mind, without it I'd probably be in the bathroom, hiding from everyone.

I placed my hands behind his neck and they lightly touched his hair. Our bodies were moving synch and I felt him pull me around to come face to face with him. He moved in leisurely, tentative to if he should take his chance or not. I think he was about to kiss me. I wasn't ready, but he placed his hand on my cheek.

I'm not prepared for this, came through my head. If I was going to have my first kiss, I want to give it to someone special. Someone else... 

I know, I know, what a cliché and ragged line, but it's authentic. I'll dance and go out with a stranger, but not do anything more.

I drew away, my eyes extensive. He looked at me with astonishment, his face twisted into a mortified and regretful expression. He knew that I didn't want to kiss him, he found out the hard way.

I instantly felt bad for him, he gave the impression of a nice guy. "I'm sorry...I'm just not ready for that," I said over the music. He seemed to understand me as he nodded and looked down, disappointed. What do I do now?