Her Beautiful Innocence

18 | 𝒮𝒸𝓇𝒶𝒷𝒷𝓁𝑒 𝒫𝒾𝑒𝒸𝑒𝓈

Grayson's POV

"How is that possible?" I shouted, my hands in my messily ruffled hair. I was so stressed and full of energy. It was 6 in the morning, and even though I haven't had a good night sleep - well, I didn't get any sleep at all, actually - I was wide awake. My body was overworked and tense, yesterday the whole night and this morning I boxed and kicked the punching bag in my basement until I didn't have any breath left. I definitely needed a rest, but I couldn't sleep. My mind was racing with thoughts. Thoughts of range and vengeance.

"Maybe it's not him, dude," Jake said. However I was certain it was him. I mean, who else could it have been? And why? There was no way that it could have been a coincidence. 

I nodded my head nevertheless, saying, "Yeah...maybe." 

I didn't look them in the eye when I told them they could go. They were worried about me, more about what I'd do, to be honest. It wouldn't be the first time if I made a stupid mistake just because I was mad. But now I was fuming. Josephine was dead. She's not coming back, and that could be my fault.  

Jake was walking toward the door, but Kyle and Anderson were standing still. Jake knew that Anderson could be extremely stubborn at times, so he only put his hand on Kyle's arm, motioning with his head to the door. He seemed hesitant, but I gave him a slight nod and he finally returned the gesture and left with Jake.

Anderson didn't make a move to leave, I rolled my eyes at that. Of course he wouldn't go.
"You know I'm not going to leave you alone, right?" he asked me, going to sit in one of the old couches in the basement. He had a serious expression on his face, as always. 

"Yeah, I know. But, look, I appreciate your concern for what I might do," I spoke, facing him completely, and he raised his eyebrows and scoffed at what I said, as if it were more than obvious that he'd stay. "But I won't do anything I'll regret, okay? As much as I want to, there's nothing I can do anyway."

I got the urge to punch something again, but repressed the feeling with difficulty. My knuckles were already red and open, dried blood on both. I pulled on my hair again, closing my eyes tightly and trying to calm myself down, though it was hard, my chest heaving up and down in short, rapid breaths. 

"This is exactly why someone needs to stay here with you," Anderson said casually. I grunted in annoyance. 

"Are you trying to make me more angry?" I spit out at him, though not meeting his eyes. His smirk was barely there, but I could feel it in the air that he was enjoying this. 

"I'm going to get a drink," I said, letting my arms fall by my sides. Anderson stared me down suspiciously, but then grabbed the beer bottle and took a gulp. I took that as an 'approving' sign of him, as if I need anyone's permission to do something in my own house. I shook my head and closed the door behind me.

I snatched a can from the fridge. I probably shouldn't be drinking so much, but who was here to stop me? My eyes met the trash can and I stared at it for a long time, until I heard Anderson's voice from downstairs. I opened the can and took two entire mouth-full sips, feeling the burning sensation go down my throat. 

"Yeah, I'm still here." I muttered just loud enough for him to understand. I'd do anything to take a smoke and go outside for a moment, but stopped myself. I had to show myself how much control I had. I've not done it for two years now, don't start again. 

The only reason I didn't go to the store to buy some was because of her. Because of my little girl. She was the reason I didn't continue. She has always been the reason for everything. If there's one person I'd do such a thing for, it's always going to be her. She's the only person who has that kind of power over me, who can influence me.

Although, in the past few days there came another girl in my life, who could also probably make me do such things once I get to know her better - Sophia. But I promised myself to keep my distance. And I never break a promise.

My thoughts flew back on Josephine and I took another go from the can aggressively.
I heard where she was found; in her own house.
I know when she was found; yesterday evening.
I know by who she was found; her parents called the police when they found her body.
And I know how her parents found out; they said they heard her screams echoing throughout the whole house, even the neighbours heard it.

I know all this, I don't think it. Want to know how? It's not because I murdered her, no. Her parents told me so myself. She told almost everyone she knew that we were together, even though I thought I made it clear to her multiple times before that we weren't. Her mom and dad still think I was her boyfriend and thought I had the right to know.  

TW: Some people may find this information disturbing!!

She wasn't dead by accident. She didn't kill herself, like the police said she had. It wouldn't make any sense. Because first of all, she had the life a lot of teen girls at our school wanted. There was nothing going on at school. Sure, many girls didn't really like her, but they'd never do something like this. And at home, I know her parents, and they certainly wouldn't be part of the reason.

Secondly, she was found with a knife stab right through her stomach. She died from bleeding out and non-working organs. The person who put it there was smart and caused her almost instant death so she wouldn't be able to survive without a hospital.

There was a 'suicide note' laying next to her body when they found her. But what was written on the piece of paper is what made me certain of who it really was. 

'I couldn't handle the game I played that is called Life. I didn't have anyone to play with and I kept on losing. It was too much and I don't know what to do. Hopefully this was the right decision. 
Sorry, Mom, Dad. 
I love you.'  

'TW' Part Over!

The whole message was spelled out with Scrabble pieces, which only assured my accusation of who it was.

When her parents heard the horrifying cries coming from their daughter's mouth, they sprinted to her room, but it was locked. Her parents had to break open her door. The murderer, I supposed, fled through the window or somehow escaped the house without crossing her parents.

"-rayson!" I turned my head over so fast, I was surprised I didn't get whiplash. Anderson stood there, an alarmed expression on his face. "You good?" he asked me, coming a bit closer.

I didn't answer for a few seconds, only stared at him, then nodded and walked past him. I was grateful for his concern, I really was, he's a true friend, but I needed some time alone. 
I opened the front door to the house and strode forward, not waiting for an act of consent. I never heard his shouts or words of disaccord following me.

He perhaps realised I needed space. I mean, my 'girlfriend' was just discovered dead. And even though I never specifically liked her, that didn't mean I should feel happy right now. I found her irritating as hell, yes. I wanted to scream in her face that we weren't and never will be a couple, yes. But I...it wasn't a lonely feeling. I have always been more of a loner my entire life, but it was something else I couldn't quite put my finger on. 

Before I left the house, I grabbed my shirt from yesterday that lay on the floor in the living room and put it on. I did some crazy shit when I was mad, but I won't go outside shirtless for everyone to see these scars. 

I got onto my black motorcycle - I chose this instead of a car. With a motorcycle you can legally pre-cut other cars and you have way less traffic that way. 

I started the engine and drove on almost full speed away. I didn't know where to, I couldn't care any less, as long as I was away from everything for a few hours, or else I will become the murderer. 

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A/N: Hope you liked it! And don't get upset, there will be more romance coming up soon ;)