Falling, Fallen | ✔️

39

~Ayla's POV~

"Hey, Mitty?" I asked nervously as I sat in the break room at work the next day, eating lunch with Mitchel. He looked over at me, stuffing his face with some sort of salad, maybe chicken. "Huh?" He mumbled, raising a brow at me as he pushed up his glasses.

I cleared my throat awkwardly and pushed my pasta around the bowl with my fork, staring at the table. "Well...we're friends, right?" I asked, causing him to pause. "Did you just ask me that?" He huffed, looking offended. "I thought you already knew that, stupid!" He scowled, causing me to giggle softly and push a strand of my hair behind my ear when it fell forward. "Sorry, I'm sorry. I just am having a problem right now, but I don't really have any friends but you, so... I don't know who to talk to about it." I said, and his face softened. "Alright," He sighed. "Lay it on me, then."

After a great deal of hesitance, I gave him the full truth about Soren and I—about how our marriage was fake, about my feelings for him, and about our current casual sex agreement. "No offense, Ayla, but casual sex with the man you live with and are legally married to sounds like a horrible idea." Mitchel said bluntly, raising his brows at me. I glared at him and stabbed my fork into the noodles so hard that the fork stayed standing upright when I let it go. "I know that!" I grumbled, frustrated. "The problem is I'm new to this. He cuddles with me and tries to sleep with me in the same bed whenever he gets the chance and says things to me about how I'm his when we...you know..." I trailed off awkwardly, causing him to guffaw loudly, to my horror. "Stop! Stop that!" I exclaimed, absolutely embarrassed at how amusing he had found that.

"I'm just conflicted because those things don't seem like something that happen when it's just casual sex, right? I mean, I've never been in a relationship before or anything, but....that's not casual stuff. He even has gotten jealous of you before." I sighed, furrowing my brows as I looked back down at my bowl of pasta. Beside me, Mitty gently nudged me with his elbow, a smile on his face when I looked up at him. "Come on, don't fret too much, Ayla. I'll admit, that does not at all seem like the behavior appropriate for just casual sex, but I can't tell you how he's feeling or what he's thinking. You just need to talk to him about it." He advised me, causing me to heave out a breath and nervously tap my nails on the table. "But...I really like Soren. It's not just sex for me, and he'll probably call it off if I confess." I worried.

Mitchel flicked me straight on the forehead, making me flinch back and frown at him. "Look, Ayla, you need to tell him. Maybe he holds the same feelings for you and maybe he doesn't, but you need to tell him regardless. If you keep this up, your feelings are just going to get stronger and you'll be making this harder on yourself. Talk to him about everything, okay?" He said, and I nodded my head with great reluctance.

But the truth is, I wasn't sure I had the courage to talk to him about it.

**

"Soren?" I asked softly as we laid in his bed later that night, his sheets and blankets soft on my nude skin. He hummed and tightened his arms around me, spooning me from behind. "What's up, Ayla?" He murmured, kissing the back of my neck.

Goosebumps rose on my skin, making me shiver as my eyelids fluttered shut in bliss. "You.. You said yesterday you've had a girlfriend? How many?" I wondered, trying my best to keep my voice as casual and light as possible. It probably wasn't a good idea to bring this up, but I couldn't help my curiosity. I felt like I needed to know. "Just the one. We were together for a long time, but we broke up when I was twenty two." He answered. I noticed that he didn't seem to speak of it with any type of anger or sadness, which made me think that he hadn't held a grudge about their break up. He didn't seem to close off when I brought up the subject, either, and that made me feel a little bit more relaxed.

"A long time?" I repeated. "How long?" I asked, leaning my head back against his shoulder. He hummed and kissed my shoulder, his thumb brushing back and forth against my belly. "Well, we started dating when I was sixteen and broke up when I was twenty two, so it was six years." He recalled, making my eyes bug wide open in shock. Six years? He had been in a relationship for six years before?!

"W-Wow!" I couldn't help but to gasp, a little shocked. "What...Well, can I ask what happened? Why did you two break up?" I asked with greater hesitancy, turning my head so I could look at him over my shoulder. His eyes met mine and he smiled softly, letting his gaze wander down to my lips. "I broke up with her because I fell out of love with her. She had kind of changed, I guess, and wasn't the same, which is expected. I mean, we started dating when we were both still young teens. Obviously we were both going to change as people, but I wasn't really expecting her to change the way she did." He explained, peering down at me. "She started to flirt with other guys and stuff—really subtly at first, but eventually it got to the point where I don't think she was even trying to hide it anymore. Anyway, I broke it off with her after we'd had a pretty long conversation. She told me she was feeling like she didn't want to be in a relationship any more, and wanted to have fun before she was older. It was fine with me because at the end of it I barely even loved her anymore."

"Oh." I said softly, peering up at him. Some part of me had expected him to be sad, or angry, or something, but he wasn't. He didn't seem to care at all. "I'm sorry." I said anyway, making him smile slightly. "It's not a big deal. I basically did the same thing as her after we broke up. I fucked any girl who wanted me and who I thought was pretty. It's kind of funny, now that I think about it. I guess I had wanted to do the same thing as her, really."

The words came out of my mouth before I could even think about what I was saying. "If what you wanted was to sleep around, then why are you exclusive with me?" I asked, and my eyes widened when I realized what I had just said to him. Of course I had been wondering about it, but I hadn't meant to ask him like this. It was clear that my words caught him off guard a little bit because he raised his brows at me. "Why?" He echoed, his gaze flitting around my face. "Because right now, I don't have the desire to sleep with anyone else." He answered. I knew that his answer probably should have made me happy but all I could focus on was one thing. "Right now?" I repeated softly, a little bit hurt. It sounded like he knew he would be done with me eventually and would then move to the next girl.

Soren gently grabbed my waist and sighed softly. "You sound upset." He muttered, making me quickly clear my throat and turn my face away so he couldn't see my expression anymore. "I'm not." I lied.

My eyes stared straight ahead at the wall and I felt him pull me back against him, as if he knew I was lying but didn't know what to say.