Falling, Fallen | ✔️

45

~Ayla's POV~

"Please, Ayla." Soren pleaded as we sat in the living room together a week later. I looked down at him as I sat on the couch on my phone, whereas he was laying on the floor still due to him just finishing up his workout. "You've barely spoken to me at all this week." He said, sitting up.

Sweat rolled down his chest, trailing down his abdomen to the low hung shorts on his hips. "Mm." I hummed simply, crossing my legs over one another. He sighed heavily and ran his fingers through his hair, pushing it back. "Please talk to me." He muttered, plopping down beside me on the couch. He smelled a little bit of sweat but not so intensely that it was gross or distracting.

I sighed and lifted my head, meeting his gaze. "I don't know what to say, Soren." I told him, causing him to frown deeply. "Anything. I don't even know why you're mad at me." He admitted, his brows furrowed in sincere confusion. I lifted a hand and brushed a strand of his dark, messy hair back when it fell into his face. "This isn't working for me anymore." I almost whispered, earning an even more puzzled look. "What do you mean?" He asked.

"This." I gestured back and forth between our bodies with my pointer finger. "The casual sex. It doesn't feel casual to me anymore, Soren, and I can't keep pretending I don't feel it."

"When we agreed to this, I wasn't sure because I've never done anything like this, but it seemed so natural that I fell into it like it was nothing." I began, looking up at him. "But then more lines started being erased, and the more you slept beside me or cuddled with me or complimented me, the more I didn't know if it even counted as casual anymore. People who have casual sex don't do those things, do they?" I asked, genuinely asking him. If I was being realistic, it was possible that I could've misinterpreted all of those things.

Soren looked stunned as he stared at me, but he slowly shook his head. "No, Ayla. Not the way I did, anyway." He admitted, his voice low. I rolled my lips into my mouth and turned my head, staring down at the floor in thought. "Then what was it, Soren, if not casual?" I asked, unable to help the way my eyes pricked with tears, making me blink rapidly to try to will them away.

Instead of answering, he stayed quiet. He didn't answer me at all.

The lump in my throat was so thick that it began to hurt, my knee rapidly bouncing as I bit my lip. I sniffled and inhaled deeply, trying to get ahold of myself. "I don't get you sometimes, you know." I told him, finally looking back over at him. "You can do those things, but you won't tell me why? What for?" I asked, searching his blue eyes.

"Please, Ayla..." He sighed out. "It was supposed to be just casual sex. You act like you're the only one of us trying to reign it back into the appropriate place, but even if none of that had happened, even if we had never fucked, I'd still be here. So would you." He told me, making my brows shoot up incredulously. "Are you trying to make me think that you tried to keep it casual the way I did, Soren? You were the one who started the cuddling. You were the one who always insisted on sleeping beside me. You were the one that made me feel like it was more." I scoffed, crossing my arms over my chest.

He raised his brows. "Yeah, I did, but you had the option of saying no. You never did. Is that my fault, too, Ayla?" He retorted, making me seal my lips shut. "You're right." I admitted softly, sighing. "So we were both a little at fault, then. What was this, Soren?" I asked, peering up at him.

"Honestly?" He murmured. "I don't even know when it happened, Ayla. It was clearly more than just sex for both of us. All I know is it was casual, and then it wasn't." He said, causing me to frown up at him. I shook my head softly. "I want to be more than just casual, Soren. I love you, and I can't be casual with someone I love." I told him.

It wasn't supposed to come out this way, or maybe it was just that I thought it wasn't supposed to come out at all. I wasn't sure, but it was out now, and there was no taking it back.

Soren's eyes widened. "Love?" He choked on the word, looking at me like I was crazy. "A-Ayla, that's..." He cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck, almost nervously. "That's not what I meant when I said it wasn't casual for me." He said, causing me to pause. I laughed weakly and narrowed my eyes up at him, wondering if he was just joking. "What?" I asked, beginning to feel my heart pound.

Now he just looked at me with downright pity. "I didn't mean it that way when I said it wasn't casual. I just...I meant that I care about you, but...I don't love you, Ayla." He told me, affectively crushing my heart right on the spot.

My eyes pricked with tears and I gave him an embarrassed smile. "O-Oh." I stammered, looking away. "Guess I misinterpreted that too, then." I said, throwing out a fake chuckle to try to lighten the situation a little before I started crying. It wasn't a matter of whether or not I would cry. It was only a matter of when I would, honestly, and I didn't want it to be in front of him. I didn't need to make myself look like anymore of a fool.

He studied the side of my face closely, like he was trying to determine whether or not I was okay, and it just made me want to punch him in his handsome face. "I, um, I'm sorry." He said awkwardly, causing me to clench my jaw and shrug my shoulders gently. "It's not your fault that you don't feel the same." I responded softly, standing up from the couch. I needed to get the hell out of here before I started to cry, because I could feel it building up.

However, seeming to know that I was about to flee, Soren grabbed my wrist and stopped me, causing me to freeze. "Wait," He protested, making me bite my cheek and glance back at him. "You don't have to apologize. There's nothing to be done about it, so don't worry." I assured, knowing that it was coming. I gave him a small smile and pulled my wrist out of his hold. "But we should try to keep our distance again. I-I mean, I have to leave in three months since we're divorcing then anyway, but I need to work on getting rid of these feelings before then. As much as I can, at least."

A deep frown sat on his face, but he didn't protest and I was glad for that. I headed upstairs and into my room, making sure to shut the door before letting the tears fall.