regret

chapter 13

I stared at the text a few seconds reading it over and over.
He wants me to do what!? I internally scream.
From Darius: show me your breasts.

To Darius: what?

From Darius: please show me your breasts, I want to see how sexy they are. If they are as sexy as your whole body. 😍😉🙈

To Darius: don't you think its too soon to be doing this, we have only known each other for one day. Can we just take things slow.

I seriously thought this was too fast. I can't be sending him my pictures especially of my body.

From Darius: its not too soon, you love me and I love you right? And you trust me, don't you?

To Darius : of course I do but I just feel like we are rushing things a little. Why don't we just get to know each other a little more instead. Cause I know nothing about you besides that you love football and art.

To be honest, it being to soon is not the only reason why I didnt want to send it. The main reason was because my boobs were horrible. As you guys know I have a big body which means big boobs that did not grow like other girls boobs. Mine are huge. I have no idea why they are like that. I've tried going to the doctor about it and they told me its because my boobs grew large from a young age and as I grew up getting fat they also grew very large, some would say they are abnormal. Its something that I really hate about my body, and I wish nobody would ever know about it.

From Darius: its fine Mandy I need to go do something anyway so I'll see you later.

And with those words he went offline and I was left shattered.

I was so upset that I acctually wanted to cry.
Darius couldnt forgive me because I couldnt get over my insecurities, but I knew he would run away from me when he saw them. I know he would've been disgusted by me and never spoken to me again.

I leave my phone in my desk and decide to just wash my face again because I had  started crying and my eyes were a little puffy and my cheeks were tear stained.  

When I reenter my room I see my phone is flashing a green light signalling that i have a message. I turn it on and see a message from Darius.

Dont worry babe i forgive you.😘  

The moment I read the message I was over the moon. I smiled to myself and my stomach was doing back flips. He truelly loves me and he forgave me.

I was now squealing alone in my room on top of my bed.
I layed down on my bed facing the ceiling fan with my phone by my chest and a huge smile on my face.

He forgives me.

I am so happy right now.
I was shortly interrupted by a knock coming from my door.  

"Come in!" I shouted enough for the person on the other side of the door to hear me.

I sit up from my bed to see who comes in and I see my brother coming inside.

"Hey M how's it going?" He asks using the nickname he used to used when we were kids. Its not very creative but it was his special way of calling me and I used to call him Aidy. I thought he forgot all about that when he also forgot about me. We used to be the best of friends but after my parents lost all of our money and all the chaos started we just drifted apart. He just started to slowly forget about me.

"Why do you seem so shocked?" He laughed out.

I can't even think of something yo say to him. He's pretending as if nothing ever changed, as if he's never forgotten about me.

"Where have you been?" I asked

"What do you mean M?" He asked looking confused.

"I mean where have you been for the past 9 years of my life?" I feel like crying right now. I just don't know why.

"M I've been here the whole time, I wake up here and come back here. Where else would I go?" He said whilst chuckling a little.
He was now sitting on the edge of my bed while I was sitting on the middle.

"No Aiden, you weren't here. Your body was but not you. I lost you for 9 whole years." I started to cry as soon as I said that.

"Can you believe that? I lost my brother for nine actually years, searching high and low for him, but all I got was nothing, just silence." I said to him, looking straight into his eyes.

"M stop being ridiculous, I've never gone anywhere. I've always been here. I don't understand what your saying." He seriously didnt notice all these years.

"Aiden, when was the last time you called me? When was the last time you spoke to me? When was the last time you told me about your day? Aiden when was the last time you looked at me and actually saw me and became aware of my existence?"

He was quiet, after every single question I asked he was quiet. He had no awnser at all.

"Aiden you used to love me, unconditionally. You used to play with me everyday. You used to call me your little sister. You used to protect me from everything. You used to care about me and tell me about your day and ask me about mine. What ever happened to all of that huh?" I asked him with tears just streaming down my cheeks.

"Whatever happened to the Makhenzi siblings, that used to be so close that they thought we were twins? What happened to my older brother that I used to look up to, the older brother I've always run to for safety and protection. Aiden I lost you, I lost you when I needed you the most. I'm younger than you and I went through the same things you went through, but I never stopped caring about you, mom or dad." I took one long breath out. I was crying, tears were just streaming down my cheeks not even waiting for the other to reach the bottom before the next starts to fall.