regret

chapter 31

We arrive at school and walk together to our next class. I feel like a normal teenager for once. I'm walking down the halls with my best friends talking about yesterday's sleepover and laughing about it. It just feels good to know you are somewhat cared for by someone else besides your family.

I was sitting in class now but I couldn't stop thinking about what Dylan said to me. He said I looked cute. I've never been told I looked cute before. Today I was aiming for cute but didn't think anyone would notice.
Darius didn't even say I looked cute today and he walked me to class after meeting in the hallways.

I don't know why I kept thinking about him. I guess it's because he gave me a compliment and I'm not used to them.

"Mandy are you listening?" Mr Malik asks. Oh no I was lost in my thoughts again.

"I am so sorry sir. I was listening then something just invaded my brain. I'm really sorry sir it'll never happen again." I apologize. I cannot keep doing this. Mr Malik is an amazing teacher and I zoned out of his lesson. That is just disrespectful.

"Please see me after class." He says and continues with his lesson.

I hear some oohs and aahs coming from my dearest class mates. Note the sarcasm.

I'm in trouble now.

As the period on went on I concentrated on what sir was explaining and took notes, I was attentive and did all the work I was given. As soon as the bell rang everyone went out of the class. Jen and Jer both gave me sympathetic looks and smiles as the walked out. I just smiled at them reassuring them I'll be fine.

I sat in my desk and everyone was leaving. Mr Malik waited for everyone to leave before talking to me.

"Mandy what's up?" He asked as he sat on my desk.

"Nothing sir." I said while looking down. I have a problem with direct eye contact.

"Its not nothing, you know you can talk to me right? You've been talking to me ever since you first came to this school." He says lowering himself so he can look at my face.

"Whats wrong Mandy?" This time he asks slowly. Mr Malik has always been a great teacher but an even better person in general. I've always been able to talk to him and Mr B.

I want to ask him about what me and Darius have agreed on but I'm too scared. I'm afraid if I tell them then he won't look at me the same way. I want to ask them if it's too soon or am I ready to do it or not.

"Its just that..." I start then I keep quiet.

"Dont be shy Mandy just tell me what's wrong." He says calmly so I can also be able to trust him and tell him what's wrong.

"Sir am I ugly?" I ask.

He looks confused for a second then realisation hits him. I'm not sure what he's realised but I wanna hear his answer.

"Mandy, you are one of the most beautiful little girls I've ever met. Inside and out. Just because you feel like boys don't give you the attention they give the other his doesn't make you ugly. It makes you one of a kind. Imagine being grouped with the girls that have been used by boys? It's not a very good tittle am I right?" He asks and I nod my head.

"Dont try and compare yourself to them. They might be pretty on the outside, but on the inside they are as ugly as the grinch who stole Christmas. I don't want you being labeled as the 'done that' girls okay. No boy should be able to say 'been there done that' about you." He carries on to explain.

His words touched me. He was able to figure me out without me having to explain what I meant by asking that question. I know it wasn't what I wanted to tell him or ask him but I'm glad it's what I did ask. Tears started stinging my eyes and I blinked them away.

"Thank you Mr Malik. Thank you so much." I say to him. This time I was looking straight at him so he could see the sincerity of my thank you.

"Your welcome Mandy. Now go off to your next class and don't let these type of things distract you. Their small things, you should focus on your work. I promise you, if they can't see you for how beautiful you are, then they're not for you. No matter how much you want them. Be patient. He'll come eventually."

After that talk with Mr Malik I was feeling a bit better about myself. I couldn't let small things ruin my day or even effect me in any way.