regret

chapter 33

I don't understand Michael. One minute he's sweet and nice the next he's angry and mean. Not sure if I should say he's bipolar or just kookoo crazy.

He called me an attention seeking bitch, well not like that but it felt that way, then he apologises and calls me beautiful and amazing.

After he had said that I was left gobsmacked. I was opening and closing my mouth like a fool. I'm pretty sure I started looking like a fish because my eyes were wide open too.

Even though I'm not really sure what he meant by what he said I'm just glad I don't have to duck and dive when I see him at school.

"Hey Mandy." I hear a voice say then feel an arm around my shoulders. I feel that jolt of electricity course through my body. I smile at the feeling Darius gives me and turn to see that it's not him.

It's Michael.

"Oh hey Michael." I say back. I could've sworn it was Darius.

"Aw am I that boring to you?" He asks jokingly.

I feel bad cause he could clearly see my face drop when I saw it was him and not Darius.

"No I'm so sorry, I just thought you were Darius." I explain. I don't want him to think I hate him or he's boring. He's actually kind of fun. We spoke a lot after he apologized yesterday. He messaged me and we had funny conversations and sending funny videos, pictures and memes.

I'm pretty sure I slept after midnight just laughing and he turned out to be such a nice guy. He wasn't mean and he told me a lot about himself. His likes and his dislikes. He told me about music and what it means to him. What really had me in awe was the way he describes music. He describes it so beautifully, you can actually see how music is a part of him.

"No way, I smell better than him." He teases and I laugh. He does smell better.

I don't know why but I lean into his arm while walking with him. It felt so wrong but felt so amazing at the same time.

"No I don't think so." I say back while smiling.

"Oh yeah, I even have a deeper voice than his. Better hair, better looks even better shoes." He says and I look down to find him wearing a worn out converse. I look up at him amused.

"Well it was a bad day to say that, but I do." He says and I laugh at him.

"Anyway, how are you and Darius?" He asks. I was kind of surprised. I thought he didn't like Darius and he didn't like me and him being together since he almost got into a fight with Darius once.

"Were good. Really good actually. We've planned to......." I stop myself before I say any more. What the hell is wrong with me.
Why did I almost tell him that. Am I crazy?

"What have you planned?" He asks. I keep quiet and look down.

"Oh come on mandy you can trust me. Is it one of those clichè picnics? If it is it's fine you can tell me I won't make fun of you." He says while holding in a laugh.

I don't say anything I just shake my head.

"Mandy I promise, you can tell me I won't say anything." He says now looking sincere.

I look at him once more and he nods his head telling me it's fine. I can talk to him.

"Well. Uhm. You know Darius and I have been together for a while now?"I'm stalling by my asking questions. I'm so nervous. I need to tell someone about this. It's been eating me up inside.

"Yeah for like two months right?" He asks and I nod my head.

"Yeah well....." I say and smile to myself and look down.

"Just tell me Mandy." He says while also smiling. He's only smiling cause I'm smiling not because he knows what I'm about to say.

"Okay Darius and I have decided to..." I get cut off by someone calling my name. I turn around to see Darius coming up to us and Michael removes his hand from my shoulder.

Good thinking.

"Hey babe, sup Michael." He gives Michael a head nod and Michael returns it.

"Can we talk in private, I wanna talk about tomorrow." He whispers in my ear and I smile. I don't know if its just me but when a guy whispers in your ear it's just mhhhhh.

I Giggle and nod my head.

"Micheal we'll chat later okay?" I say to him and he nods his head and walks off.

Darius and I start walking out of school and he offers to give me a ride.

"So babe how are you feeling about tomorrow? Are you as excited as I am?" He asks while putting his hand on my thigh. I feel butterflies on my stomach and I start to blush.

"Yeah, I'm a little nervous though." I say honestly. I am nervous, a lot actually but I don't want him to think that I'm backing out now.

"Dont be nervous. I promise I'll be gentle with you." He assures me and I smile nervously and nod my head.

He looks at me and smiles and his eyes go back to the road.

The rest of my day is spent with me deciding if I'm making the right choice or not. Tomorrow is the day and I'm freaking out. Michael hasn't texted me so I guess he's busy right now. But he would have been the perfect person to talk to about this.

Maybe I'm just thinking too much. Maybe I should just calm down breath and think of why I'm doing it.

Because I love Darius. Right?

Yeah, it is why. It's not a question. It's a statement.

I love Darius and I want to make him as happy as he makes me.
I love Darius and I'm ready to show him how much tomorrow.

I took a quick bath after telling myself repeatedly that what I'm doing is right. I'm not making a mistake.

After bathing I went to bed but I couldn't sleep.