regret

chapter 35

I woke up feeling sore. Darius was a bit rough with me yesterday. He was sound asleep next to me. Seeing his face made me forget the pain I had. He looks so peaceful. I've never seen him this carefree and calm during our whole relationship.

He slowly opens his eyes blinking a few times to adjust to the light of the morning sun shining through my curtain.

He opens his eyes full now and looks at me.
I smile at him shyly but he doesn't return the smile.

He gets up and puts his pants on without a word being uttered from his mouth.

I also get up from bed and put my clothes on. Maybe he's just not a morning person.

He gets fully dressed and starts staring at me. I was putting my shirt on at this point.

"Whats wrong Darius?" I mutter in a soft voice.

He takes a deep breath in and looks at me. He kept turning around and running his fingers in his hair. He wasn't standing still.

"Darius what's wrong?" I say and move closer to him but just as I was about to touch his shoulder he shouts.

"Dont you dare fucking touch me!" He shouts and slaps my hand away. It hurt from the amount of force he put into his slap.

Why is he acting like this. I am so confused. I thought he would be happy after what we did yesterday.

"Darius what's wrong? Why are you acting like this?" I ask rubbing my hand to ease the pain.

"You said you were still a virgin. You fucking told me I was your first!" He shouts.

"Yeah and nothing has changed I was a virgin and you were my first." I say back feeling very confused and scared.

"Mandy cut the bullshit, okay you were not a virgin you whore. You lied to me. You fucking ruined it all." He says throwing my books on the floor and I jump and step back.

"I didn't lie. I've never slept with anyone in my life. You were my first Darius I wouldn't lie about that!" I scream back. Tears were rolling down my face right now. I am so scared of Darius right now. He has never been this mad before.

"Oh really Mandy. Then explain why there is no blood on the sheets huh? And why you don't even feel pain right now." He asks crossing his arms I his chest dating me to answer.

I look at the bed and I don't see any blood. Non what so ever. But I did feel pain between my thighs though. The blood situation was very weird to me because it's a well known fact that when a girl looses their virginity she does bleed.

"I-i don't know w-what happened b-but I'm telling you the truth Darius. You were my first time. And I do feel pain." I try to explain to him.

"Oh bullshit, if it really was your first time you wouldn't be standing right now. That's how painful it would be. You wouldn't be standing here being able to move properly like you are right now. There would be blood on those sheets. You are a fucking bitch. You lied to me about your slutty behaviour just so I could sleep with you because you knew nobody in their right mind would ever want to touch you." He spits venomously.  

I was now crying. I was crying so hard in front of this man who I thought loved me.

Why can't he believe me. Even if that was the case that I was not a virgin why does it matter?

"I'm telling you the truth. I have never slept with any man in my entire life besides you. I'm not lying. I cannot explain all these things but you have to believe me. Even if you weren't my first it shouldn't matter because you love me, that's all that matters right?" I say while hiccuping in between words.

"Love you?" He laughs and my heart shatters.

"I didn't love you fatty Mandy, I was using you for a graduation game. Why would you think I loved you? Because I said it? How pathetic. It had only been a day and you thought that was love." He laughs.

"You made me loose. To fucking Jason. Gosh I hate you." He says. He has no shame in saying something like that to the girl that gave him her all.

How could he be so cruel. How could he do this to me. I've never done anything to anyone especially not to Darius. I've been nothing but nice and kind to people and this is what I get in return? Is this what I was bought into the world for?

Was I born to be people's doormat, entertainment or step stool?

I look up at Darius, wipe my tears away and go to the door.

"Get the fuck out of my room and out of my home." I say with gritted teeth. He looks at me a little shocked and amused by reaction to what he just said.

"Aw don't be like that Mandy. At least give me some food." He smirks. My blood boils and all I see is red.

"I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT. I DONT WANNA SEE YOUR FUCKING UGLY FACE AGAIN. YOU DISGUST ME AND I HOPE SOMEONE DOES TO YOU WHAT YOU JUST DID TO ME. GET OUT NOW!" I scream. Who does he fucking think he is. The fucking nerve he has to ask me for food after what he just said. I swear if he doesn't move from.My fucking face right now I'm gonna murder him right now.

He looks at my broken yet angry face one more time. Searching if I was really telling the truth or I'm guilty of lying or not.

He seems to realise something but before he cn st something else I push him out of my room and he stumbles out almost falling.

"Darius get out now or I'm calling the cops." I threaten. He stands up and dust his pants.

"Mandy wait....." He was cut short by me reaching for my phone and dialing 911.
He looks at me not believing I was actually calling them.

'This is 911 how may I help you'

I stare at him straight in the eyes.

"Hi my name is Mandy Makhenzi I am calling to report a....." He snatches my phone.

"Okay fine I'm leaving." He says and turns around. He leaves my phone on the table.in the kitchen and leaves.

That's when I break down and cry myself to sleep.