regret

chapter 4

"Darius, my man, what are you doing here aren't you like a senior?"

Argh Jason just had to ruin it for a second there I thought Darius was gonna kiss me but Jason had to ruin it.
But why would Darius the cutest guy in our school try and kiss me the fattest and uglyst  girl in school. What was I even thinking, I should stop thinking I'm like every other girl on this school because I'm not. Ive never kissed a boy and never will and I'm sixteen, well turning seventeen on January but I still would love to have my fist kiss before then.
My thoughts are interrupted by Darius speaking.

"Dude I'm a teachers assistant, you know how I used to mess around at the beginning of the year, well I missed out on so much work and now my teachers say I won't be able to graduate so I have to do extra credit so I have tons of assignments and projects and orals to do. So me being a teachers assistant will just make things easier and more accesable to everything I need."

"Oh yeah I forgot about that dude you were an animal, you had everyone on their toes just waiting to see what you do next, hah, but I'm glad your here dude I'll have some entertainment in this dumb ass class." Jason laughs even though there's  nothing funny about what he said.

"Yeah man I was just getting to know one of you guys, Mandy, she seems pretty cool. "
I look up at him and he smiles down at me and I get this feeling in my tummy thats only there when he's around.

"Dude don't waste your time on fatty Mandy  there are hot chicks here that you can use your time with wisely, not with....... that."
He points at me with a look of distain on his face.

I wanna cry but I will not give him the satisfaction of knowing he hurt my feelings.
I hate the way his words get to me, I know I should be used to it by now but it still hurts a lot when he calls me names.
Doesn't he think me living in this body of mine is enough torture, doesn't he think me being poor is enough doesn't he think me hating every aspect about myself is enough, he just has to add more pain into my life.
My eyes are now starting to sting from the tears trying to escape.

"No bro don't say that about her let me get to know her so I can see for myself if she's a waste of time but don't treat a lady like that."

What the..
I look up to see Darius dead serious with no hint of sarcasm in his voice.
What the hell is he doing?
"No Darius its fine you don't have to do that he's your friend and you don't even know me that well, you don't have to say all those things." I tell him in a hushed tone. He shouldn't be standing up for me, that could ruin his reputation and social life.

"No Mandy, what he's doing is wrong your a human too just like he is and he has no right to be calling you names like that, plus you're not just someone I dont know, I want us to be friends."
He smiled again
Oh
My
God

I can't believe he just said that, nobody has ever taken a stand for me and stuck to it. Most of them just leave me or say they were just kidding. What Darius is doing now is new to me and I don't know how to react because he could be just messing around and take it back in a few second's. Or he really means it and is willing to ruin his friendship and reputation trying to stick up for me.

"Darius bro you are making a big mistake I'm telling you, she is just a mistake her parents can't handle and now we have to tolerate seeing her everyday here in school."

I couldn't contain my tears anymore, so I run out crying before the teacher can walk in for her lesson. I'm glad she is always late so she won't even know I am in school today, she can just mark me absent today.
As I run down to the ladies room I hear someone call my name but I ignore them and keep running, even my attempt at running is weird and pathetic. As I enter the toilets I go into a stall and lock it and start crying.
I can't believe Jason said that, I mean he always says mean and hurtful things to me but today he has bought it to a whole new level by bringing my family into it and calling me a mistake.
I never asked to be born and if it were up to me I would kill myself right here and right now but I know it would cost my family some money for a funeral. Most people would start talking saying I killed myself and this and that, and that would put shame onto my family and they don't need that right now.

After sobbing for a few minutes alone in the ladies room stall I gather my bag and stand up to rinse my face.
Why couldn't I be like every other girl in my school? Why couldn't I be taller? Why couldn't I be petite? Why couldn't I be beautiful? Why did I have to have this fat body and then be poor at home? Is this my punishment for something?
I look at myself in the mirror and all I see is a pathetic loser. I look like a fat pig.
I start crying again from the thoughts running through my mind as I look at myself through the mirror.
As I was about to leave but then someone came into the girls toilets.