regret

chapter 27

It has been 2 months since Darius and I had started dating. He's been on and off since last month. Sometimes he's sweet and funny and just fun to be around but other times he ignores me and avoids me all day. I don't know what's wrong with him.

He's been hanging out with Megan and Jason a lot lately and it bothers me. I know I shouldn't pick his friends but why couldn't he hang out with his football friends that he used to hang out with before. I just don't feel comfortable with him hanging out with Jason and Megan.

I'm not gonna tel him that cause it might cause him to break up with me and that's the last thing I want. I'm not his mom so I  can't tell him who to hang out with.

I just wish he would be straight with me. I know nothing about him and he never tells me anything. He knows a lot about me since my whole life is out there for everyone to know. Megan made it her life mission to expose every little secret of mine to the whole school. I don't know how she does it but she manages to get every single detail about my life.

I spot Darius talking to his friends having fun smiling and making jokes. He looks very handsome when he laughs he has these faded dimples that appear when he smiles and his nose wrinkles when he laughs.
I decide to walk up to him since he's in a better mood but I'm kind of scared of his friends. They are all so big and strong and have these deep voices. Even though I'm fat I'm still short and their height is very large compared to mine.

I stand a few feet away and try to wave my arm to catch Darius's attention.

He glances at me then looks back to his friends and carries on with their conversation.

Maybe he didn't see me. Maybe I thought he was looking at me but he wasn't, so I wave again. This time he looks at me and stops smiling. He says something to his friends and they all start laughing and he walks up to me.

"Hey Darius." I start with a smile on my face.

"Hey Mandy" he said in a bored expression.

"How have you been I haven't spoken to you in a while?" I ask. He was so happy and content a few minutes ago what's changed now. He's being short with me.

"Mandy is there a reason why you called me here I was kinda busy with something." He looked annoyed by my presents. What have I done wrong. Why is he acting like this towards me now?

"Darius what's wrong? You've been very short with me lately and you've been avoiding me." I need him to tell me what I did so I can fix it.

"Did I do something wrong?" I asked trying to hold his hand but he pulls away.

"No, Mandy, just forget it okay? If this is all you had to say then I'll see you later" he started walking away from me  but I stoped him by grabbing his hand.

"No Darius there's clearly something wrong and your taking it out on me so what's wrong?" I persist. He can't just behave this was then ask me to forget it. I wanna know what's wrong.

"Fine Mandy! You really wanna know what's wrong!? You're what's wrong! We're what's wrong! We've been together but I don't see where this is going." He points his finger between him and I.

"What do you mean you don't know where this is going? Everything was fine till you started ignoring me." I said back to him. His friends were still talking amongst themselves at the back and I'm so happy they can't hear us.

"Mandy all we do is kiss and finger. Nothing more nothing exciting. We only do this kid stuff and that's it and I'm getting tired okay?" He says to me in a half shouting half whispering voice.

"Well isn't that what normal couples do? I thought we were doing fine and that's what other people do right?" I ask in confusion. I thought we were doing fine. I thought we were actually going too fast so I don't understand what he's saying.

"Mandy I want you. I. Want. You. But you can't give me that." He shouts.

"But you have me Darius, what are you talking about?" I ask him.

"Mandy I want all of you I want you, don't you get it. I don't want half of you, I don't want these little kisses and these little petty make outs I want more baby. I want all.of you." He replies. He moves closer to me and grabs me by my waist pulling me closer to him.

My mouth was slightly open from what Darius had just told me. I don't think we are ready for this stage in our relationship. It's way to soon right? We've been dating for only two months that's all, but then again we have told each other we love each other. I know I love him and I know he loves me too.

"Darius don't you think it's way to soon for that?" I ask while looking at him.

He pulls me closer and kisses my neck and ear.

"I don't think it's to soon, i mean we've already told each other we love each other, why not show how much?" He purrs in my ear. What he was doing was really turning me on. His hot breath in my ear and his kissing assault on my neck.

"Darius can't we wait maybe for like a few months or so?" I ask while he was still holding me.

He suddenly let's go of me and I almost fall.

"A few months? Mandy why should we wait for a few months? See this is exactly why I'm ignoring you! I feel like I'm the only person putting in the effort into this relationship and I'm getting tired." He fumes. I can't help but also notice how he's the one taking the lead all the time. He's the one who kisses me, he's the one who initiates our sexual moments and he's the one that is always trying to make something out of this relationship. All I do is just follow.

Well now it's time for me to start being a real girlfriend. I cannot keep disappointing Darius this way. He is the sole reason I am happy to go to school now, he's the reason I'm no longer bullied by Megan and Jason.
He deserves this.

He has been looking at me for a while now while I was thinking. He was waiting for my answer. I first looked into his eyes asking myself if this is the right decision.

The main point of me keeping myself was because I was waiting for the right person. Darius is the right person right?

He was about to walk away till I grabbed his arm and told him to wait.

"What Mandy?" He says while still facing the other way.

"I-Ill do it." I say in a almost whispering voice.

"You'll do what exactly?" His voice is a little calmer now almost anticipated.

"I'll give myself to you." I say back still looking at the ground.

In a matter of a few seconds he's in my face again.

"Really?" He asks.

I nod my head looking down and he lifts my head up and kisses me up passionately. He smiles into the kiss and I can't help but smile too.

I've finally made Darius as happy as he makes me, but why don't I feel as happy as him?