regret

chapter 6

Without thinking I leaned forward and he started kissing me. I've never kissed anyone before so I'm not sure what to do so I just stand there. He stops kissing me and looks at me.
"What's wrong?" He asked.
"Its just that I've never really kissed anyone before." I look down feeling embarrassed.

"Don't be shy about it, I like the fact that I'm the only one that has kissed you, but don't worry I'll teach you." He says looking at me with a small smile.
All I do is nod

"Okay just open your lips a little bit and lean forward, when I start kissing you just follow my pattern okay?"

"Okay" I nod.

Then I do as he said, I opened my lips a little and leaned forward and he started kissing me. After a few seconds I had gotten used to his pattern and started kissing him too. It felt amazing.
His lips tasted like mint and smoke and was an amazing mix and the butterflies in my stomach were going wild now.

His hands were now on my waist and mine on his neck, its something I saw in a movie and thought it was fitting to do it at this moment.

The kiss started to get heated and a bit more rough. I'm not gonna lie and say I didn't enjoy it because I did. He then slipped his tongue inside my mouth and I let out a moan so did he. This was by far the best thing that has ever happened in my life and I don't even care if he never speaks to me after this, but I know we shared an amazing kiss together.

Darius' hand started to go lower towards my bum and started squeezing it I let out an involuntary moan and he pushed himself against me even more now. As soon as my back hit the wall the bell rang for the next period and we both parted.

We both had these goofy grins on our faces and our cheeks were red and lips swollen.

"I think you lied to me when you said you've never kissed before." He hadn't moved from where he was which was practically on me with his face a few inches from mine.

"Was I okay?" I asked, I know he's kissed a lot of experienced girls and this was my first time doing it so I was just praying I wasn't bad.

"Okay?" He started laughing.
Oh no this is what I was afraid of he's laughing at me I knew he was just messing with me. I knew all he wanted was a laugh out of me being desperate.
I looked down so he could not see my tears brimming.

"No Mandy you were not okay, you were better than okay, you were amazing I felt like I was on a cloud and that lip balm that you use is so delectable." He said tilting my head up and licked his pink lips.

"Oh then it must be if your using big words." I smiled

"Oh you got jokes huh?" He said smiling along with me.

"Only when I'm comfortable" I chuckled a little.
"So what I'm hearing is, you're comfortable with me." He asked

I nodded my head.
"Well I'm glad." He said and pecked my lips one more time.
"Come on let's get to our next class before someone comes in here and thinks we were fucking."

I gasped and he laughed. He took my hand and we went out of the girls toilets and joined the crowd.
I had expected him to let go of my hand as soon as we went out of the toilets but he held it tight even though everyone was looking at us and whispering  amongst themselves.

"What class do you have now?" He asked snapping me out of my thoughts.
"Uhm I have English now with Mr stöter."
We were at my class already and I didnt even realize, I was just enjoying his hand on mine.

"So this is your class, I have gym class now so I have to go otherwise coach Carter is gonna have my head." He pecked my lips-  which took me by surprise - and said his goodbyes and ran off.

Throughout the whole period all I could think about was Darius and our kiss and him confessing to me that he likes me which I still think is unbelievable. I mean I have spent my life thinking that I would be alone. That I would never find love, or even have sex, even a kiss was something that I thought I would never experience.
During middle school I had hot friends, that had amazing bodies and beautiful faces and I was just their duff. Every time we had plans to do something they would bail because they had boyfriends and they wanted to spend time with them. Or boys would always ask them out and I'd be left out.
I always used to make up a lame excuse and say that I had to go somewhere just so people wouldn't notice that no guy came over to me. I've been in a constant battle with myself telling myself that I should just expect the worst in life cause thats all I've been getting since I became seven. My family is going through a hard time right now that they don't have time for me and I'm always just ignored.
I've never experienced all the wonderful things kids my age would do. Like sex, love, parties, even having that one male best friend, or a boyfriend. All I've ever experienced was bullying and ignorance.
I just wish that maybe someday I could have all those things for myself.
Even this school I go to is for rich kids my family would never be able to pay for it but because I'm an A+ student I get bursaries and scholarships. Thats about the only thing I like about myself, but like everything else its also a burden since everyone practically forces me to do their homework and assignments.

Class went buy very fast, mostly because I was deep in my thoughts but luckily I'm always ahead so I didnt miss out on much.

"Miss Makhenzi, I noticed you were marked absent by your teacher last period, is everything okay?" Mr Stöter was always so nice to me unlike most teachers, he did care about me.

"Uhm yes sir everythings fine i was just kinda dizzy so I thought I should just go out and get some water and fresh air." I lied like a pro. Ive learnt how to think of a lie at the top of my head since im always in a situation where teachers start to catch on that I'm being bullied, and I have to lie to get them off my case. Me telling on is just gonna give me more problems.
I gave him a tight smile so he doesn't see through my lies.

"Ok Mandy but if you want to talk about things, anything at all not only school work but even home situations or just problems that are troubling you, I'm always here okay?"
He put his hand on my shoulder.

"Thank you sir, I'll hold you on to that." I chuckled a little and so did he.

"Alright then let me not keep you from going to your second break."
We said our goodbyes and went separate ways.
I tried walking to the cafeteria with my head down, but then I bumped into someone.
I looked up to see Michael.