regret

chapter 14

I was still sitting with my brother in my room. I was still crying and he was still looking as guilty as ever.

"Aiden, you left me alone when I needed you the most, you ignored me all of the sudden, and the worst part of it all is that you didnt even care how I felt about the whole situation. You didnt care at all, and now you act like nothing is wrong, as if nothing has changed, you're pretending as if you've never just completely discarded me from your life. You know, I used to see you walk around the house everyday and I used to greet you all the time, you never initiated it I always did and all you'd say is hey, then walk away." I had stopped crying at this point but my voice was still shaky and my nose runny.

"Aiden what did I do to you, that made you hate me so much? I've loved you from the fist time I laid eyes on you. I always felt like the luckiest girl alive, just because I had you as a brother. I don't understand why you hate me so much, that you wouldn't even speak to me anymore." I look at him straight I'm the eyes, and I could tell he also wanted to cry but was holding it in.

"Mandy you would never understand why I did all of that." He whispered while looking down and playing with a loose thread on my comforter.

"Then make me understand! You've never tried to explain anything to me. I don't even remember the last year you and I just sat down and talked, played or even sat down and watched a movie. Most of my childhood is just a blur, and I don't know why, I'm so confused because one day we were laughing and chasing each other around the yard, and the next your ignoring me and not even looking at me." I shouted at him

He's never once even spoken to me and tried to make me understand whats going on in his mind and why he's been so distant and depressed all the time. At first I understood that us being broke and my dads arrest took a toll on him but what about me, I was able to survive and I still spoke to my parents and to him occasionally even though he would just brush me off.

What I didnt get was the fact that he carried on with his mood for nine fucking years.

"Mandy, I saw things no child should've seen at my age, I had to keep quiet and keep it to myself for a long time. Its been eating me up inside and I have no idea how to deal with it. I can't even tell anyone about it because it will ruin many lives, and I don't wanna be the reason people get upset. Mandy I love you and you know that. I would never hate you, not in a million years but I've had problems that I had to deal with on my own and the only way to manage them while keeping everyone I love happy was to avoid you." He takes my hand and moves closer.

"Mandy I am your brother, I would never hate you and I am so so sorry for the way I have been treating you. I am sorry if you felt like I didnt care I'm so sorry. I just want you to be safe from all this baggage I have. I will try and be a better brother from now on." He gave me a hug that I truly needed.

I won't ask him or push him to tell me what's been eating him up because its very clear that he wants it kept a secret so I will respect that.

I am so glad we had this conversation, it was much needed.

"Aiden all I'm asking is for you to actually acknowledge my existence, and tell me if something is bothering you and maybe I'll be able to make you feel better. Don't just block me out and ignore me, you of all people should know I hate being ignored and you did it for nine years." I explained

"I know I know." We pulled out of the embrace we were in.

"I just want to rebuild that relationship M' and I want us to become like we were before." He tells me with half a smile while holding my hands.

"I want that to, and we can start by you taking me to park after you help me with my Geo homework and tell me who she is." I smile at him

I know my brother well enough to know the reason for the happy mood he had when I came home and the reason he came back on time today.

"What, what are you talking about, who's she?" He asks while playfully rolling his eyes and smiling very widely.

"Aiden I haven't seen you this happy and all smiley since 1st grade when Alyssa Parkens, your all time crush, gave you a kiss on the cheek for taking her bag for her." We both laughed at the memory.

"So tell me who the girl is, and what has she done to my brother that has made him so happy." After all that crying I can't believe how much I'm smiling now. My brother is back, and I'm gonna make sure he stays.

"I'll tell you later on let's complete your homework first." We both laughed and he helped me with my homework and after that we went to the park and we talked about who this girl is and how she is, the whole time.

Turns out the girl who's got him all happy and sappy is a girl named Sarah whos in his literature class and she's 21 and doesn't live far from our house. Aiden really seems to like her and I'm happy for him. I can't wait to meet the girl who has brought my brother back to me and made him so happy.

The day flies by perfectly for once our parents are working late and we had just eaten so we didn't cook. We watched some horror movies together since they are our favorite and at 08:00pm we went to our rooms and got some shut eye but not without getting a goodnight message from Darius. That alone left my heart fluttering and got me some good night sleep.