𝒀𝑶𝑼 𝑺𝑨𝑽𝑬𝑫 𝑴𝑬 // mileven

forty-four

hey!! so this chapter isn't smut but it's definitely not not smut, so slight maturity warning :)

"i feel safe in his arms, only his arms, because he saved me like no other could."

✧ ﾟ･:*✧ ﾟ:*ﾟ　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

"mmm, i really like hawkins, you know? really great weather." i breathe out between mike's intoxicating kisses, my mind pounding with so many thoughts that i almost don't realize that i've let one slip past my lips.

stupid. why did you say that.

i've experienced that almost-sex feeling before, multiple times before. that moment when a person is lowering you onto a bedspread, and your legs are hooked around their waist and your lips refuse to detach from theirs. it's not like i'm not an expert in the act. it's not like me to feel scared before doing it, or even nervous. it's not like me to feel so utterly committed to someone that sex actually feels like it has a meaning other than pleasure.

every passing second of mike's lips against mine feels like some electrifying version of heaven. as his hands grasp my waist and he holds me like i'm the most stunning thing in every universe combined, i can't even begin to pretend that i'm not an awkward basket case who's been shoved into the body of the girl who mike happens to love.

a million thoughts pulse in my mind, all threatening to burst out of my mouth, and a sensation of unease settles over me as i wonder if i'm going to be to one to ruin this perfect, perfect moment.

"what?" mike murmurs, a soft chuckle interwoven in his words. he pulls a hairsbreadth away from me to speak and my eyes immediately fly open, my body recoiling backwards in slight embarrassment.

i'm still halfway on mike's lap, my legs slung over his and his hands settled so easily on my hips as if the bones were carved solely for his hands to hold. mike tilts his head at me, a small line between his eyebrows as he surveys my expression, most likely trying to figure out whether or not i want this.

"are you okay?" he asks, his hand tracing a path to my cheek, where his gentle touch holds the side of my face.

i press my lips together, my face involuntarily falling into my hands as i struggle to convey all the thoughts echoing in my head in comprehensible words. i suck in a breath, finding the will to settle myself back in mike's lap and loop my arms around his neck, our foreheads being pulled together as if there's some kind of magnetic force between our bodies.

"i have so many things to say. is that weird?" i question, pecking mike's lips once between the sentences because i can't bear to have him so close, but not eternally against my mouth. "i mean this is so weird, right? every other time i've been in that almost-sex moment, it's just been so... so unremarkable. like i never thought anything more than wondering if they actually put a condom on, or just pretended to put one on to convince me, or if the person above me was actually an old man but i was just to drunk to realize it. i mean, right now i just want to tell you so many things, but i really, really, don't want to make this awkward for you."

"you'll never make it awkward for me." mike responds easily, his words sounding so genuine that i feel that knot of apprehension in my throat fade away. "talk all you want, i like your voice anyway."

my lips curve into a crooked grin before he even finishes his sentence. in that moment, i feel like a third grader after being picked to be the lineleader in a very short journey to the school auditorium. i feel that childish joy overwhelm me when i recognize how much comfort the boy in front of me gives me, those three sentences leaving his lips being enough to ease every worry existing in my body.