𝒀𝑶𝑼 𝑺𝑨𝑽𝑬𝑫 𝑴𝑬 // mileven

twenty-two

"besties again?"

✧ ﾟ･:*✧ ﾟ:*ﾟ　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

"el? el? earth to el!"

i'm snapped out of my thoughts and back to reality when i feel a hand on my arm. i jerk upwards, squinting when i'm blinded by the bright, fluorescent, cafeteria lights.

i slowly turn my head to face the boy beside me, reaching a hand upward to rub my tired, sleep-deprived eyes. once my vision makes out the face in front of me, i manage a small smile. lucas.

"did you even sleep last night, el?" lucas asks me, furrowing his eyebrows in concern as he observes me. he slides into the seat next to me, laying his lunch tray down on the circular table, empty of any people other than the two of us.

"not really." i say with a sigh, shifting to turn my body to him. i raise my eyebrows half-heartedly as i turn over an apple in my hand, observing the indentations in its skin. "i haven't been able to sleep for the past few days."

"why not?" lucas asks, holding out a slice of pizza to me when he sees the lack of a lunch in front of me. i shake my head slightly, knowing that our schools cafeteria pizza is absolute garbage.

i raise my eyebrows at lucas, a knowing look on my face. he looks at me with a confused expression, and then after a moment his eyes widen as something clicks in his mind.

"oh!" lucas says in a surprised tone. "i forgot, max said something... about you and this guy?"

i nod, my fingers drumming against the wooden table as i think about my current situation for possibly the millionth time today.

mike and i haven't spoken a word to each other since both of us royally screwed up. over the last few days i've caught myself absentmindedly typing out a text to him, but catching myself right before i clicked send, hesitantly deleting my message and attempting to forget about him.

of course, i'm nowhere near close to forgetting about him.

even though we haven't known each other for an insanely long time, his absence in my life right now shows me how much i truly used to rely on him. i feel helpless and unable to do practically anything without his face or voice flashing into my mind, reminding me of just how much i miss him.

i know that we both made an impulsive mistake, but the fear of what a relationship with him would be like keeps me at bay. even when i don't have any communication with him, my feelings for him are still growing rapidly, almost suffocating me. though all i can think about is possibly being able to be more than friends with him, i can't help but be fearful of what would happen if we messed everything up.

"hello? earth to el!" lucas says again, his voice soft as he snaps his fingers in front of me, bringing me out of my all-consuming thoughts and back to reality.

"sorry." i mutter, bringing my head into my hands and letting out a long breath. "i messed up with this guy, and honestly, i don't know what to do."

"ok, i think i'm pretty good at relationship advice." lucas says with a crooked smile. "if you tell me more, i bet i can help you."

i nod at him, knowing that lucas is probably the best person i know at relationships. he never messed up with max, always knowing the right thing to do or say, and that's partially why their relationship is so stable.

"ok, so..." i begin, preparing myself to explain my entire situation. "me and this guy, mike, are best friends, and we've been really close ever since we accidentally met. both of us caught feelings, and we admitted it to each other, and then we somehow messed everything up. we stopped talking because we kinda convinced each other that a relationship between us would never work out, but all i can think about is how much we messed up." i finish with a sigh, lifting a corner of my lip in a half-smile when i see lucas' incredulous expression.