𝒀𝑶𝑼 𝑺𝑨𝑽𝑬𝑫 𝑴𝑬 // mileven

thirty-five

"i know i won't be texting mike tonight."

✧ ﾟ･:*✧ ﾟ:*ﾟ　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

"so..." max nudges my shoulder with hers, bringing my attention away from the laptop in front of me, who's screen is currently showing a half-written, half-assed essay that i've been staring at for the past three hours.

i release a long breath, and reach my fingers forward to close the laptop, knowing that staring at the criminal justice essay before me (which still 792 words too short) would make my mood even worse. i lean into max, resting my head in the crook of her neck and furrowing my eyebrows together as i attempt to dispel all thoughts of school and the piles of homework that i have yet to complete, all my time being taken up by mike.

talking to mike. texting mike. thinking about mike.

he's like a drug. every waking thought that flashes through my mind is him. i go to bed hoping to dream about him, i anxiously wait for that familiar ping! every morning just so i can see his "good morning beautiful" text.

yes, i'm obsessed with this boy, the only thing keeping me sane is the fact that in two days i'll get to kiss him again.

"el..." max says again, patting the side of my head with her palm as she attempts to bring my gaze to her. "i have a question."

i grumble a response, my eyes fluttering closed as i give in to the fatigue enveloping my body.

"ok, so." max continues, and from the tone of her voice i can sense a grin curving her lips. "have y'all said 'i love you' yet?"

my eyes fly open.

the thought crossed my mind once last night. loving him. it was in the moment right before sleep overtook me and his face was echoing in my mind, and i realized that i've never felt this way about someone before.

do i love him?

i swallow hard, the thought sending a wave of exhilaration through me, but terrifying me at the same time.

"max we've only been dating two weeks." i say after a slight hesitation. "of course we haven't said it yet."

"buuuuut, you're definitely thinking it." max replies with a cheeky grin, to which i respond to by elbowing her in the stomach.

"since when do you give relationship advice?" i say pointedly, raising my eyebrows at max.

"since i've been in an unproblematic relationship with the boy who's going to give me babies one day." max says, twirling a lock of my tousled hair around her finger.

"oh, shut up." i grumble, burying my face deeper in max's neck. "not everyone found the love of their life as quickly as you did."

"you found yours over a wrong number text." max says with a chuckle. "how funny is that?"

"it scares me sometimes." i mumble, chewing on my lower lip. "the fact that i miss typed one digit when i tried to text you that day. what if i typed it right, or if i put a different digit? the thought of never meeting him scares me."

"el, shut the fuck up, you're in love." max says with a groan, throwing her head back.

i give her a glare, but i can't find the words to lie and tell her she's wrong.

————

"god, could you shut up?" i say in a harsh whisper, whipping my head around to face the boy sitting behind me.