Memories of You (Completed)

Chapter 45

That day, I went back home. Mom and Dad asked me what's going on and why do I keep leaving. But that day, I told them, I won't run away again, not anymore.

Siguro nga, mahirap na desisyon na iyong nagawa kong palayain yung taong hindi ko kailanman naisip na pakawalan, pero mas mahirap na desisyon pa pala ang tuluyang palayain yung puso ko mula sa galit at hinanakit. Higit don, isang mahirap na desisyon ang magpatawad ng bukal sa loob matapos kang saktan at lokohin.

Perhaps it's time for me to finally close a book that should have been closed before. And open a new chapter in life, so I can be genuinely happy again. After all, I deserve genuine happiness like them.

Way back then, during  the 24th day of December, Colm and I always go out and have a cup of coffee near our home. Why? I don't know either. All I know is that we catch up a lot of things whenever we do that. How our lives have been after having a long no-talk with each other. It's just during the 24th day, isn't it—when we get the chance of seeing one anther for once in a while? Perhaps it's the only chance we have. Colm and I always get to find a way to meet one another during the 24th day of December.

But on that last 24th day of December, our worlds was flipped.

“Blythe.”

I felt how my heart started to beat so fast, after hearing him utter my name.

“Colm.” Nakangiting pagbati ko sa kanya.

Isang tipid na ngiti ang iginawad niya sakin, matapos nun ay naupo siya sa upuan sa harapan ko.

Ilang segundo kaming nagkatinginan hanggang sa ako na ang unang nag-iwas ng tingin at nagpakawala ng isang malalim na pagbuntong-hininga.

“I am glad, you finally have decided to talk to me,” sabi niya.

Ngumiti lang ako bilang pagsagot hanggang sa may lumapit na waiter sa amin at nag-abot ng menu.

“My usual order na lang. Thank you.” Nakangiting sabi ko sa waiter saka ako bumaling kay Colm.

“I'll get the same as hers.” Nakangiting sabi ni Colm.

Iyon lang at umalis na ang waiter at ngayon, kami na lang ulit ang nandito.

Pero hindi ko alam kung saan ako magsisimula. Kung ano ba ang dapat at una kong sabihin sa kanya.

“Blythe, I won't beat around the bush. I...I'm sorry,” sambit ni Colm at nakita ko ang bakas ng lungkot sa mga mata niya.

Seeing his eyes that were so lonely and full of sadness, regrets...it tears me up.

A lot of words come out from our lips, but why did we never utter the words we wanted to hear from one another? It's always him and I, holding each other back. It's always Colm and I, hesitating to utter those words for we both are afraid of rejection. How many coffees turned cold while waiting one of us will first utter "those words?" Perhaps both of us are cowards who never wanted to say the words of I love you and yet, couldn't say the words of goodbye either. The coffees getting cold and that means we're running out of time, once again.

“Those words didn't comfort me way back then Colm. Hearing you say that to me, pains me even more,” sambit ko saka ako nagpunas ng luha. “But hearing it now from you, brings me a lot of comfort.”

Ngumiti ako at saka ako napatawa ng mahina.

It was painful to let him go for someone else before, but now...it's even more painful to finally let him go with no madness in my heart.

Years may have passed, but nothing changed. I am still that girl he turned me into, way back the year of 2010. Perhaps the change isn't within me, but within him. I am still that girl who cries for no reason or sometimes cries because of too much pain or happiness, but he is now the guy who has that sad eyes and broken heart. I still am that clumsy girl who always spills her coffee because of jitterines, but he's not the same guy who was sitting in front of me, way back the year of 2015. And once again, now, I spilled my coffee on the table but no laugh from him was heard. Instead, I saw how worried he was, wanting to come near me and yet, hesitation was with him.