Memories of You (Completed)

Chapter 33

For a second, I thought I was over him. I thought my feelings faded and gone forever. But no, I was mistaken. I fooled my own self. For how the clouds covered the beauty of the moon, the thought of not loving him anymore also covered the truth that I still am loving him until now.

I love you.

Three words that I will never ever get tired of telling him. Three words that I might not able to tell him again because he is now out of my sight and I don't know whether I will be able to find and see him again. Those three words will always make me smile, for as long as I am uttering those words, the memories of us flashes back on my mind. Those three words that I once heard from him, rested in my heart and I don't think it will be easy for me to wipe it out that fast. For I know, that he—the man who whispered those three words for me might be gone, but still I am hearing his cherubic voice, whispering that to me that makes me smile from ear to ear.

And perhaps, I will always love him.

Maybe yes....Aidan and I never had the chance to meet in our past lives and was able to meet in this life. But the tragic part of today's story is that we never stood a chance that caused infliction to my heart. Still, I choose to love him now even when I can't see him anymore. And maybe, if ever I would be given a chance to be born again in the next life, I will find him and never let him go. For yesterday, today, tomorrow, and always....I will love him and choose to be in love with him.

“Aidan told you not to be sad, right?”

Naupo si Colm sa tabi ko habang ako ay deretsong nakatingin pa rin kay Aidan.

Today is his burial and I still don't know how am I able to let him go. I don't know how am I able to forget him or even the pain of his death that I am feeling now.

No matter what I do and what others tell me, it doesn't change the fact that he died because of me. He died saving my life. He died so I could live. He died in order to make sure of my own safety. And that's what makes it painful. He had to die for me to stay alive.

Kung bakit kasi kinailangan niyang mamatay para sakin. Sana ay ako na lang ang nawala. Sana ako na lang yung namatay. Sana ako na lang. Dahil ang hirap mawalan ng taong sobrang pinapahalagahan.

“Are you....still blaming yourself?” tanong ni Colm.

Imbes na sagutin siya ay ngumiti ako at itinuon lamang ang atensyon kay Aidan. Nasa harapan ngayon at nagsasalita ang mommy niya. Ni hindi ko na nga maintindihan kung ano na ba ang sinasabi niya at ang tanging nasa isip ko lang ay mga alaala namin ni Aidan na hindi ko alam kung paano ko kakalimutan.

Ang hirap ibaon sa limot. Ang hirap din namang i-keep. Dahil sa tuwing naalala ko maging ang mga masasayang alaala na mayroon kami ay nasasaktan pa rin ako. Sinusugatan nun iyong puso kong pilit kong binubuo.

“Wala namang ibang dapat sisihin kundi ako. I might not be the one who killed him, but I was the reason behind his death. If only he didn't come to me that day, siguro ay buhay pa siya at kasama natin ngayon.” sabi ko kay Colm na hindi siya tinitignan kahit na alam kong ngayon ay nakatingin siya sakin.

Hindi ko maiwasang sisihin ang sarili ko. Siguro nga ay tama si Claire. Kasalanan ko ang lahat. Ako ang may gawa nito. Ako ang dahilan nito. Kung hindi dahil sakin, hindi mamamatay si Aidan.

Kung sana ay hindi niya ko pinuntahan nung araw na 'yon, baka ako ang namatay at hindi siya. Siguro ay hindi niya makikita iyong pinadala ni Claire para patayin ako. Sana ay hindi niya 'yon hinabol at hindi siya napahamak. Siguro, hindi siya nawala saming lahat.

May parte saking sinisisi si Claire dahil siya ang may gawa ng lahat ng 'to. Pero mas sinisisi ko ang sarili ko dahil nagawa 'yon ni Claire dahil sakin. Lahat ay dahil sakin.