his sapphire • anthony bridgerton

twenty-three • to endure

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"I'll suffer any pains."
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Grosvenor Square,  September 1813

Anthony fought to keep up with Nola. He knew the second they returned to the house, she would dismantle and take off for their bedroom, where she would lock herself for the rest of the day. He did not want to be shut out from her, he wanted to sit down, like adults, and talk about how their life was to change.

"Nola, please!" He begged, wanting nothing more than her to halt. She was a master at picking up speed on Daisy, especially since the horse had just had a panic spree from the gunshot. "I beg of you!"

She continued to ignore his pleas, and frankly, she had every right. A mistress before they were married was one thing, and she had dropped that the moment he told her the truth about the matter, and Sienna has been gone ever sense... but sending himself to die without a word to her? It was the most harmful thing he could've ever done. "Leave me alone!" She yelled, not easing speed at all.

Anthony refused to give up, seeing the estate come into view. His shouts never ceased, and the moment Nola was off the horse, he had forced his to come to a complete stop next to her. She groaned, hanging up the strands, avoiding his eyes at all cost.

"Nola, please," he sighed, following her into the stable, "I need you to talk to me." Her silence was deafening, and the worst punishment you can give someone is complete silence, which his wife happened to be a master at.

He knew she was hurting, and she felt he didn't care, so why did he deserve the privilege to explain? Was he simply planning to die without saying anything about the matter? She had to find it out from Daphne, and that is what angered her the most.

Anthony watched bewildered, and she wanted nothing more than to approach him and smack the stupid look off his face, as if he didn't know exactly what he had done. "Nola, I need you to say something..." His shoulders slumped as he leaned back against the hay barrel, her gaze finally meeting him.

"Fuck you." She stated, no emotion present in her tone, or even in her features, and while it truly hurt... he knew he deserved it.

"Please, Nola. If you do not wish to speak to me, will you at least speak to a doctor if I call one for you?" She glared at him, not quite sure why she would need a doctor. "The fall from Daisy was extreme. I would like to make sure that you're internally well."

"Imagine how different the situation would be now, Anthony?" She released a sarcastic chuckle, "If I hadn't been woken up by Daphne, you would probably be bleeding out by the river. Do you understand that? I would be here raising our child... alone." His head faltered, as he saw tears once again present themselves in the corners of his wife's eyes. "I could not do it alone, Anthony."

"And you will not be!" He reassured, pulling her into his chest, resting his hand on the back of her head. He began to rock back and forth, "I am so, so sorry, my love." He knew no apology would do anytime soon. Nothing could make up for this, but he would crawl to the ends of the earth to make her forgive him. He would do anything.

"Anthony..." she pulled away, not feeling capable of looking upon him. "I need time." Before walking back toward the house. He watched her, painfully, screaming at himself mentally.

Follow her you fool!

But he couldn't seem to move, he remained frozen in his spot.

You have to make things right!

Tears began strolling down the Viscount's face as he chucked the nearest object, a water dish, at the ground. Letting out a scream of frustration as it shattered, he collapsed to his knees.

You don't deserve her.

You never did.

He wished nothing more than for her to just have smacked him across the face, punch him... anything. Silence was his biggest enemy, and coming from his love, it hurt even more.

He made his way into the house, finding Marie standing at the entryway of the kitchen. "Milord..." she bowed, which was painful to watch.

"No need, dear. Simply... could you do me a favor?" She hastily nodded, curious as to what his request was to be. "Will you arrange the garden to be... rerooted?" He pondered, "daisies, lilies... anything the Viscountess would appreciate." Receiving an eager nod, he stalked off to the gardens, which haven't been kept up with very well.

Finding the most recent blossomed flower, Anthony plucked the peony from the bush, thinking maybe a peace offering would appeal to Nola.

He dashed up the stairs, knocking twice on the door, but received no response.

"Nola...?" He sighed, pressing his ear to the door. "Please, Nola. Let me in." He begged, his hand already placed on the brass nob. "I want to speak with you."

Hear the rustling on the floor, the door was opened wide. Not even a moment after, Anthony felt a sting in his cheek.

"Did that feel better?" He wasn't even angry. How could he be? He was the reason for her collapse from the horse, he could take a slap.

"No." She stated, her face still blank of any emotions, but her eyes held just the look of pure sorrow. "What are you doing, my lord?"

"The formalities?" She rolled her eyes to him, returning to sit on the bed, hoping he wouldn't follow- but of course he did. "Nola, I... I brought this for you. From the gardens..." he extended to flower to her, her eyes fluttering, as to hold back tears.

"Thank you," she choked out, not being able to hold back the sadness which overwhelmed her, before pulling him into her embrace. "I thought you were to die, Anthony." She sobbed, laying her head on his shoulder.

Anthony could barely breathe, but it didn't take a second thought to cradle her head, and press her further into him. "I love you, Anthony... what would I have done without you?"

He had not even thought of her once while confronting Simon, no matter how much he hated to admit it- she had not crossed his mind. Deep down he prayed that she would have been able to carry on her life- with Benedict engaging in a respectful marriage, no matter how much he even hated to think of it.

"I am here, Nola, and as long as I'm alive, I will never make you endure this pain ever again," he said strongly, "I swear to it."