his sapphire • anthony bridgerton

fourty-seven • unimaginable

TW: mentions of miscarriage!

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"you hold your child as tight as you can, and push away the unimaginable."
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Aubrey Hall, October 1814

Nola had not been able to look Anthony in the face. She continued to bleed the remainder of the week- choosing to take her leave from her husband and move down the hall. She did not want to pain him with the loss of their child.

He kept company with Alverie, basking in what could have been, but deeply wishing his wife had understood what had happened was not her fault. Of course, he knew she was grieving, he was as well, but he could not tolerate his wife breaking herself down.

Violet had led doctors in and out of her daughter-in-laws room all week, her heart breaking every time she had to turn her eldest away. He had begged to comfort his wife, but Violet did not want to stress the girl out by disobeying her only wish.

She could barely look upon her own child, and Alverie did not even know better. When Violet would bring her in to be fed, Nola would simply break down into tears, and was quickly consoled by Daphne,  who was adamant about being there for her friend during this grieving time.

"He wants nothing more than to see you," Daphne sighed, leaning against the door. "Simon, as well."

"I could not dare look upon either of them." She responded, her gaze out the window. "I can barely look at myself, let alone my husband."

"Nola, he does not blame you." Daphne tried to reason, rushing to the girls side. "It was not your fault!"

"But what if it was?" Nola snapped, confusing Daphne largely. "I do not understand what I did wrong." She choked.

"Nola, you did nothing wrong."

"Then why do I feel like I have committed a sin?" She cried, collapsing onto the mattress. "My baby should be alive right now, continuing to grow, but they are not."

Daphne wishes she could destroy all the negative thoughts that captivated the girls mind, knowing exactly how it felt to be in this situation and feel the grief she did. "You need to heal, Nola." She attempted to tell her, "you have to speak to Anthony."

"I cannot..."

"Why not?" The voice she dreaded of hearing. Her heart raced as she pulled her pillow that rested to her right against her chest, hiding her now empty bump from her husband.

"Shall I give you a moment?" Assuming Anthony confirmed to his sister, Daphne left the room urgently.

"The silent treatment will not help mend either of our wounds, my love." He began, inching close to where she laid. "You do not have to try to be strong for me, Nola. I am here to comfort you."

He wanted nothing more than to pull her into his arms and throw all of her pain away, knowing what he was feeling was way different than the pain his wife was enduring. "I love you, Nola." He felt himself start to tear up. "I need you to speak to me."

Silence.

"Nola, please." She could hear the strain in his voice, wanting to get up and never let him go.

He never cried, so when she saw him break down in-front of her, she had truly lost it. "It is my fault." She squeaked, catching the mans attention.

"How?" He mumbled over his own tears. "How could it possibly be your fault?"

"Anthony..." she cried.

"How?" He exclaimed, moving towards her. "How, Nola?"

She just sobbed louder, pulling her knees to her chest as best as she could. "My mother said negative thoughts could hurt a growing child."

His eyes widened. She thought her thoughts had killed their child.

He threw himself into the bed, wrapping his wife in his arms, and pressing his lips to her temple. "Nola, I love you, but this needs to stop." He begged. "Do you hear me?" She looked at him quizzically. "You did not kill our baby, do you understand?" She refused to acknowledge what he was saying.

"You're wrong."

"I am not." He strained. "God, Nola. You had worse thoughts while carrying Alverie, did you not? She's as healthy as she could be, aching to see her mother with a smile on her face."

He took her face in his hands, cupping her cheeks. "Our daughter has not been the same without your presence daily, Nola, and it's been only two days. She knows something is wrong, but it is not like she would understand." Nola loomed away from him, "she needs you Nola. I need you." She wished she could probably comprehend the words he spoke, but it was too painful. "I know it hurts, trust me, I know." He began, "but we must live, Nola. This child was not meant to be," his tears began to fall down his cheeks at a faster pace, trying to latch onto his own words. "I wish nothing more than to have met them, to have seen their smile grace this world, but do you know what this means?" Her eyes finally met his. "They were simply too perfect for this world..." she pulled her husband to her, finally relaxing in his embrace, and realizing she had taken his recovery from him.

The wounds were still widely open on both of them, and now was her time to make it right. "I thought you would hate me." She stated. "Blame me for the death of our child..."

"Never." He quickly responded, "It will be alright, my love." He tried to convince her, but it would take more than words to mend their broken hearts.