his sapphire • anthony bridgerton

thirty-seven • the ghost of many years ago

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"Lots of people, I fear, make promises they will not honor, my dear."

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Grosvenor Square, July 1814

To say Nola had been terrified to walk around her own house would be a severe understatement. Since the happenings of the month prior, she was scared that the same events would occur again.

Anthony had Daphne's room closed, a reminder to Nola that he was trying his best to comfort her, but she feared nothing would ease the pain the event had caused.

Nola had devoted all her time the past couple of weeks to tending to her child. It was truly the best distraction. Alverie was reaching four months, and had grown significantly. She looks more and more like Anthony everyday, no matter how much he disagrees.

Nola had silently come to a halt at the door of his office, debating if she should enter, or wait for a later date. She saw him engaged in his work, writing anxiously. "Do you wish to enter, or are you just going to continue to stare?" Anthony pushed his chair out, presenting himself to her.

She slowly walked in, closing the door behind her. "How are you?" She pleasantly asked, walking around his desk to the book shelf. He watched her curiously, "I haven't really been able to spend much time with you..."

"I didn't think you would have wanted to see me." He stated, watching her slowly turn her back to him, "after all, I caught you moving into my sisters room."

"You wouldn't understand."

He quickly rose to his feet, his chair hitting the floor, "and why is that?" She could tell he was trying to control himself, and not scare her, but he always sent a chill up her spin when he raised his voice. "I asked for time, and you gave me that to come home to?"

"Maybe it's because I thought that's what you would've wanted!" She exclaimed, moving closer to him.

"Why would I ever want that?"

"Why would I have wanted you to stay away from me?" She sighed. "Ever since A was born, I've had to fight to keep up with you, Anthony." She began, falling into the chair behind her. "Things I've never had to do, I've done to get your attention. You used to find me in the gardens, now I chase after the two of you."

He ran his hands through his hair, trying to formulate the proper response to give her.

"I saw my father." His eyes instantly met hers. Before he had the chance to respond, "a fragment of my imagination, of course, but he was there. He... he grabbed me."

Anthony had never been more confused, making his way to Nola beyond his desk, "love..."

"You must not try to understand, Anthony. Please... don't think I'm crazy." He knew from what he heard that night, something truly sinister had occurred within that room. She had never screamed so loud, or shook that hard, and he would be evil to claim her out of sane mind.

He sensed her tense up, when he had not spoken a word. He pulled her into his arms, nuzzling his head into her hair. "I do not, Nola." He sighed, never releasing her from his grip, "I believe you..." he could feel her body shake, knowing she was crying.

"I had forgotten what he looked like." He shushed her, placing his hand on the back of her head.

"You do not need to..."

"He killed my sister," she told herself, her tears only beginning to rest on the back of Anthony's shirt, "he killed her... right in front of us."

His heart ached for the girl, pulling her down to the floor with him. It was the first time he had just held her to him. He had barely even realized how poorly he was treating his wife.

He always had plans of marrying a random woman, and just using her to give him children. He never thought he would find someone to actually love him, and now that he did, he abused the feelings she had for him.

Along the way he lost the idea that Nola did not have to love him, or even speak to him, for that matter.

In typically marriages Anthony witnessed, the couples hates each other, even seeing their partner as a burden. He never saw his wife as a burden. She was his everything.

"Nola... I am so, so sorry." He told her, taking her face in his palms. "If I had known," he sighed. "I never wanted to hurt you."

"Anthony..." she was quickly cut off.

"It kills me to know I hurt you, Nola. You are the greatest thing that has every happened to me, you know that?" He searched deep into her eyes, trying to look for any flash of disbelief. "Without you, I am nothing. Just a man with a title. With you... I feel as if I'm everything. With you, I win. You motivate me, you inspire me and most of all... you love me." He felt his eyes begin to gloss over.

She placed her hand on his cheek, "I do," she confirmed. "I do love you, Anthony." He quickly pressed their lips together, running his fingers through her hair.

"Just promise me... if I ever make you feel that way again, you will tell me?"

"I promise."