dear diary

chapter 10

dear diary,

even though there are things you wouldn't change for the world, there will always be moments you wish you could kill.

I keep finding myself forgetting about my past, and that worries me.

the second I let my guard down, im done.

I shouldn't be going out as much as I am, its too risky. if he found out where I was somehow, my life could possibly end.

I need to tone it down, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to go out with Blaire and the guys.

It's not like I'm broadcasting my every move, there's no way he'd find me if I hang out within my town... right?

I put my diary away on my dresser, rolling over and checking the clock. It's 10am, finally the weekend. I'm looking forward to relaxing all day, I need a break.

I hear my phone vibrate on my nightstand, rolling over and grabbing it to see a text in the group chat.

besties

Matt: party at Dave's tonight y'all in?

Me: who's Dave?

Matt: who the fuck cares, he has a free crib and alcohol

Ethan: hell yeah I'm in

I text Blaire on the side, asking her opinion.

Me: do you wanna go?

Blaire: are you joking?? hell yeah!

I laugh at her response, telling her I'm in.

I move back to the group chat.

Me: Blaire and I are in!

Matt: fuck yeah! Chase?

Chase: Not in the mood for a party right now.

I really hope he isn't missing out on this because of yesterday.

Matt: don't be a party pooper, Chase! u never miss a party

Ethan: yeah dude you have to come

Chase: god, fine. 

Matt: full house lets goooo

I laugh at Matt's excited attitude, getting kind of excited myself.

Me: what time and who's driving?

Ethan: same cars as bowling, chase can go with you and matt so we don't have three cars there.

Matt: party starts at 9, so I'll be at your house at 9:30 Delaney

Me: okay!

As embarrassing as this sounds, this is my first real high school party. Between all the shows I've watched and stories I've heard, I know they can get pretty crazy.

I'm looking forward to the distraction, and I honestly could use a drink right now.

I'm not a big drinker or anything, honestly the only time I've ever been in an altered state of mind was the night that changed everything, and it wasn't because of alcohol.

I'm hoping tonight is nothing like that.

I feel my phone vibrating, signaling that Blaire's FaceTiming me.

I answer and see her face pop up, a frantic look on her face.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

"I have no idea what to wear to this party, I've never been to one!" She says, sounding really panicked.