dear diary

chapter 15

Delaneys POV

Last night was the first night since the accident I haven't written in my diary.

My mother sent me to therapy immediately after, because of what happened with my father, and they suggested I start a diary to 'track my feelings'.

Since then I've been using it as an outlet, as a friend to talk to despite the fact I never get a response.

I think that's the part that was most compelling about it though, I could write whatever I wanted without risking any judgement.

It feels weird not being able to write in it, and I'm not sure when I'll get the chance again being that my house is the last place I want to be right now.

If I did have my diary, I think the topics I would be writing about are pretty obvious here.

I would obviously be venting about the events with my mother, and the fact that Chase was a completely different character last night.

I find it hard to understand that my mother was once so loving, and so caring towards me. I felt a shift after my third school, but she was still kind to me and did everything in her power to make sure we had some sort of bond.

I guess everyone has a breaking point, though, and she had reached hers. I just can't believe the words she said to me last night, and I can't help but wonder how long she's been thinking them.

Does she really believe that I deserve every scar my father gave me?

Part of me hopes she was having a bad day, and was only talking out of aggravation, but I know that isn't the case. The second she stopped leaving me notes and picking up my calls I knew she had given up on me.

Chase on the other hand has been nothing short of amazing, and it's left me sort of speechless. I've been running last nights events over and over again in my head, and I can't stop thinking about how stern he sounded when he stood up for me.

He sounded so sure, and the fact that he didn't hesitate to step in when my mother crossed the line is confusing me.

He goes on and on about how he doesn't care for anyone, and how he doesn't allow himself to have extensive relationships, but his actions last night sort of contradict that.

Sure, maybe we are just friends, but part of me is stupid enough to think that maybe he really cares for me, in more than just a friendly way.

I know that's ridiculous, because he's been a broken record about how he doesn't kiss more than once or date at all.

The way he cared for me at his house, taking care of my fingers and going as far as letting me sleep in bed with him has the hopeful side of my subconscious giddy at the chance that maybe he is finally letting someone break down his walls.

I hadn't expecting him to actually let me go to his fight tonight, but here we are in his car driving to the next town, looking for some beat up underground boxing ring.

This is a big part of who Chase is, and I'm really relieved he's letting me see it.

Part of me thinks he's doing this out of pity, because he feels obligated to let me see something that has to do with his personal life after what he saw last night.