dear diary

chapter 34

Chase and I have been snuggled together on my couch now for about half an hour, the clock reading 8:30 as we sit and wait for my front door to open.

He told me he'd leave when she gets here out of respect for our privacy, but doesn't want to leave me here alone incase she changes her mind and bails on me.

It's another small gesture of his that I really appreciate, especially since he had to bring me back to school first to get my car, making it even more out of his way.

The tv is broadcasting a random show, but our attention hasn't really been on anything but each other for the time we've spent here.

Thankfully I've come down from my high, not completely but to the point where it isn't blatantly obvious. I never saw myself smoking, because I didn't think I'd ever have the chance too, but Chase has sort of given me a lot of new opportunities since I've been here.

He feels like an opportunity in itself, though. An opportunity to lose myself in something that isn't fear, or pain. An opportunity to let go and maybe move forward.

Another twenty minutes passes, Chases thumb rubbing slow circles on my shoulder as I sit here and silently pray my mother wasn't lying to me this morning.

"She'll be here," his thumb continues to soothe me, his words reassuring.

I hum in response, my eyes on the clock that eventually hits nine, the front door still closed. It's foolish of me to think she'd be here at nine on the dot, so I'll give it a few more minutes before I let myself feel disappointed.

Much to my surprise, and to Chases, the door swings open and my mother walks in with a smile on her lips and a huge binder in her arms.

"Evening, Ms. Jackson," Chase mutters, not making eye contact with her. I don't blame him, the last time he saw her wasn't really a walk in the park.

"Chase, am I correct?" She drops the binder and her keys on the table next to the door, walking over to us and sitting on the couch across from ours.

He nods in response, his thumb halting its movements on my arm as he gives my shoulder a squeeze and stands.

"I'll see you tomorrow, call me if you need anything," he grabs his jacket, leaning down to give me a quick kiss, a smile pulling at my lips.

I squeeze his hand in acknowledgment, turning my attention back to my mother to see a look in her eyes I can't quite place.

"Have a good night," I hear the front door open, Chases body standing next to it as he nods his head in dismissal at my mother, her hand raising to wave at him in response.

Part of me is almost shocked he let me stay here alone with her, I thought he'd a least want to hear what she has to say. I appreciate his respect for our privacy though, and he knows I'll end up reliving the night for him anyway.

"Do you want to watch the office, like old times?" My mother stands from the love seat and walks over to the couch, sitting in the spot that Chase just abandoned.

"I'd like to talk a little bit too, if that's okay," I stare at my band aids, using all my willpower not to rip them off and pick at my skin.

Sitting with her so casually right now is making me anxious, because I'm not really sure what to expect. She turned the tables on me unexpectedly before, and now she's turning them back, why?

"Tell me about school, and your friends. How are you?" She starts, and I realize she doesn't want to talk about us, she wants to talk about me. "Is he your boyfriend now?"

"School is fine, so are my friends. I'm not really sure what word I'd use to describe the way I've been feeling, and yes he is my boyfriend," I answer, my gaze lifting to meet hers as her lips twitch into a small smile.