dear diary

chapter 48

dear diary,

I've allowed myself to think about Marks note, the one where he said he wishes that I'll 'call him dad' someday, and I think I finally know how I feel about it.

I find it a little uncomfortable, awkwardly endearing, and overall odd. thats a big thing to say to someone, especially someone you dont even know that well. he knows my mother, sure, but he doesn't know me nearly well enough to call me his own daughter.

just like I dont know him well enough to call him my father.

I've come to terms with their relationship, and I support it because my mother deserves happiness, but I cant come to terms with my relationship with Mark. I dont want to call him dad, and its nothing personal. I dont think I want to call anyone dad, not after what my real one did.

today is the last day of school before the weekend, and Chase told me he has 'big plans' for us. im not sure what exactly that means, but im excited to find out.

I shut my diary, having nothing else to add. I only have two pages left to fill before I reach Chases note, and I consider writing a bunch of bullshit in order to read it, but decide against it. By Sunday, it'll be filled, and I'll be able to read it with Chase.

As I get dressed, I can't stop thinking about how excited I am to see him. I have it bad.

I decide to spice it up today, and by spice it up I mean put on a sundress. It's still freezing outside, which makes me rethink my decision, but I end up throwing a denim jacket over it and slip my Doc Martens on. I think Blaire will appreciate my choice of outfit today, she's been on my back about wearing something other than jeans.

I'm in a really good mood, dare I say that I feel happy. Sure, I'm anxious for this dinner later, but I have plenty of time before then and I don't plan on wasting any of it. I've been really lucky lately, the detectives were right about my father not circling back to a place he already found us. I'm really glad, because I don't know what I'd do if I was forced to leave at this point. Theres so much to lose now.

I make it to school with a smile still on my face, and I hope I can manage to keep it there. As soon as I step out of my car, Chase is by my side, and his eyes rake up and down my body.

"You look especially beautiful today," he compliments, and I feel my cheeks burn. He bends down next to my ear, speaking again but this time his voice is low. "You look amazing in that dress, Del, but you'd look even better out of it," he whispers, chuckling as I swat his arm in disapproval. If anyone else had said that to me, I would've kicked them between the legs.

"Well, thank you," I say with a smile, disregarding the second comment. We walk into school hand in hand, and more eyes are on us than usual. I know that Chase is popular, and us dating was a shock in the beginning, but things have died down. Why are they kicking back up now?

Word must've spread about his speech, it was pretty romantic after all. I just wish people wouldn't blatantly point at us and whisper, it's a little much.

We separate at my locker, my feet taking me to English as Chase goes to his own class. Blaire immediately compliments my outfit, asking what the special occasion is and I respond with a shrug.

"Nothing special, just felt like wearing something different," I say, and she nods in approval.

"Well, I love it," she says, and I thank her for the fifth time since sitting down. "I saw Mackenzie in the hallway and she actually said hi to me, it felt so weird. You were right though, she's changed a lot," Blaire informs me, and I'm glad to hear that Mackenzie isn't still throwing up or something. Her and Matt went shot for shot as a dare, and it went south for the both of them.