dear diary

chapter 21

Delaneys POV

There's been so much going on in my head that I'm desperate enough to write on a blank sheet of notebook paper as a replacement for my diary.

I've been meaning to buy a new one, but I've had no time.

Three days have passed since my mother caught Chase and I, and they've been pretty uneventful.

She didn't say anything to me after he left, which worried me, because I had expected a complete blow up. I guess nothing was better than something in this case though, because it would've been pretty hypocritical of her to start parenting again.

Chase has been here a few more times, for school, but he sat on the opposite couch than me because my mother had made it a point to walk downstairs multiple times.

She starts work tomorrow morning, which is a relief, but that also means I'm down a ride to school.

While nothing has been happening, so much has been spinning in my head.

Were the cops right, are we safe? What are me and Chase now? Where do I stand with my mother?

So, here I am, writing on a blank sheet of paper in hopes that putting my thoughts in handwriting will stop their storm in my head.

Growing up I've always hated silence, yet that's all I've wanted the past few weeks. Whether in my head or out loud, I think I've taken silence for granted.

A chance to just breathe, to not constantly overthink or over analyze, an opportunity to just sit back and give myself a break.

I haven't had a second of silence since the accident, and I unfortunately don't see it happening anytime soon.

I haven't had much of a chance to talk to Chase either, I've been meaning to ask about his family and how he's been, but everything has been so chaotic in school with midterms coming.

I just don't want him to think I don't care, because I do. I care too much.

I hear my alarm start blaring, and fold the piece of paper before shoving it into one of my drawers.

Walking over to my closet, I pull out a pair of jeans and a long sleeved shirt, grabbing my converse off the floor.

After I get dressed I head downstairs, my mother still in her room when I grab the keys and leave.

The first half of the day goes by pretty quickly, leaving me and Blaire in lunch ready to eat.

Matt and Ethan have been sitting with us since I've been back, and Chase hasn't been to a single lunch. I've been meaning to ask him why, but when I say we've had barely any free time during the school day, I mean barely any free time.

Since it's December, everyone is cramming for midterms, and being in all AP classes is sort of making it even harder. Our midterms are just practice for our AP exams at the end of the year, but they still count towards our grades.

"God this class is going to be the death of me," Blaire huffs, flipping through our thick study packet for English.

"I can help you if you want, I'm almost done with my packet," I say, shoving it in her direction.